Star Struck

Me and you.
Driving down a country road.
Listening to a slow song.
Gazing up at the stars.
Catching up from behind,
talking about family and old times.
This was one thing that reminds,
How could we both be so blind?
Now we wish we could rewind.
No regrets.
Just freeze the time.

Richard J Wright (2010)

No Mo Distractions

Relationships are wonderful. Having said that, I know myself and when they are apart of my life, they can distracting. Given the nonsense and waste of time I have encountered recently, I am quitting the desire for love. Yep, I am done. I will date. I will be sociable. Nothing serious. I want to focus on a number of things. In short, Im going to get my stock up. Career. Writing. Money. Thats its. I have had enough of the games. Yall can have it. I dont need it. I might long for it but I am going into relationship exile for a season. There is no use in playing around with it no longer. I have been through some stuff in these past few years. Time to push that part of me away from the table. There is too much other stuff I can focus on and be content.

Dating, Friends, and your Kids

Recently I fell out of favor with a woman I was dating. The trouble is, I brought this woman into my child's life. She has done a number of things for her, buying gifts, spending time with her on outings, etc. Now, she's M.I.A. One thing that is a messed situation is to put people in the lives of your children only to see them disappear because you and the other person no longer see each other. What do you do? I had to explain to my child that sometimes people do not last in your life but does it have to be that way with kids. Its better if your children dont even meet someone your dating. While I have the kind of kid that wont say anything bad about a person. I realize that I could have caused a kind of disturbance by bringing her into our lives. While I do believe in my heart of hearts that my child isnt really affected by this. I have to wonder truly if that is really the case. My child's mother left her. My child's step mom moved to another city. Now here is someone who was around for a while only to exit out the picture.

I have decided that this cannot happen again. I will not introduce my daughter to the next woman until I am fully involved in a committed relationship. In hindsight, it was premature on my part. The woman was very cordial towards my daughter and they seem to get along great. I trusted my daughter around her and she hasnt done anything wrong in regards to my child but I do know that its not a good thing for people to fall in and out of people's lives. At this point, I am just pissed about the whole ordeal. Sad part about it, I dont think the woman even has stopped to think about the positive influence she was to my daughter. Instead she has allowed her own selfish ambitions and mindset to rule the day. Neva again.

What About Me?

What about me?

What about me?

What about me?

Those were the only words she spoke when I poured my heart out about her hurtful words.

Spoken like a true myopic personality.

This wasnt her time to talk.

It was mine.

And all she could say to me in the face of it was "what about me?"

Now I could dissect all of the garbage she said to me.
Things like when she wanted to come to my house to cook and I told her no.
All because I like my house to be clean when I have company, even if the person doesnt mind.
And yet she chose to remind me how unkept my bathroom was because I work like a slave and dont have time to clean it properly. Yeah this was the one time I allowed her to come over when my house wasnt clean.

You know it really amazes me how women talk about a man who wont do this or that. A man that wont talk. A man that wont share his real feelings. Yet, when I shared all I got was a "what about me?".

I was like... "did you hear what I just said to you?"

This is why men dont share. This is why men dont talk when a woman wants them to. Stuff like that. I felt like I had been trying to pull a dagger out my back only to have the person who put it there unknowingly shove it back in 3 inches deeper than before.

While I wont hold all women responsible for the careless actions of one woman I cared for... I dont think I will be baring my soul any time soon for any reason. Only to my God.

Guess Who's Back?

Yeah... "Its been a long time, I shouldnt have left you without words to step to"

Well... Restructure and reformation is never an easy task. Without telling all my business, I will just say that life has tried to break my spirit in more ways than one. I have not written anything but I have the crux of my next book in my heart. Now... if I can only get Visions of Heaven out finally. Things with this book have been stuck for a hot second. Not too worry its coming. I finally got some time to focus and deal with this. I am proud of this book, it is different and I promise it is going to be a blessing to people.

Many things have taken place since I last been around. I have learned some valuable lessons about life and people. The greatest lesson I did learn is that you ultimately are responsible for the keeping of yourself. Its great to have a pastor, a mentor, or a leader in your life. I recommend them. Yet, it is you that has to live and think on your own at critical times in your life. Negative thoughts will lead to negative outcomes. If you keep shooting yourself in the foot emotionally, spiritually and socially... then do not get mad or have a sad face when nobody wants to be around you. One of things I had to do was check myself. Check out who I was hanging around, check out what I was saying to people, check out what I found my daily life becoming. And no it was not all good.

So I had to rearrange somethings. I had to move some furniture out of my life. I am still moving some stuff around. I had to leave some stuff for the garbage man. I had to realize one key factor, i am carrying too much crap for one person to deal with.
Not no more.

One thing I learned was I am important to no one but me. People like you for you when they want to deal with you. Others just shut their phone off. I know because I have done it with people myself. People like you for what you bring to them. If you dont have anything to bring to them, then you become useless and your phone rings less and less. It is what it is.

Yeah... you could say that i have been dealing with some stuff. I recognize my faults in all of it. Yet, more than that. I know I have a lot more to do with my life and the turns it takes than life just happening.

Yeah... Im back. :) Aint you glad? It dont matter... Im glad and that is what counts most.

What I find most of the times...

I dont know nadda...

*shakes his head*

I gotta take some time to chill.
Be back later, maybe I will feel something.

All I Can Do is Daydream... random thoughts

... I wonder what she is really like?

... Should I really consider her proposal?

... Can I really be open with her?

... Why does she still love me after all this time?

... Why cant she just believe what Im telling her?

... She is so fione but I know she would make me miserable in the long run.

... She better stop messing with me, before I start messing with her back.

... Why I gotta play these games?