Forgetting You're Black

Negro, where ya been?

Where have I been? I ask that of myself all the time. Life feels like a time warp that you fly through and other days it feels like a DJ Screw tape, slowed and chopped. Regardless, I have been just laying in the cut. I have written pieces but I decided to let them wallow in the saving file. Perhaps some of them will see the light of day, but I am not sure. I have an abundance of material but decided against publishing it because I felt some of work was incomplete. Some offerings need more and others need less. Yes, I am a bit off but hey such is life for a brotha. So what's up? Well, I just celebrated another birthday. That was cooler than penguin's beak. Life is pretty good. It isn't perfect, (when is it ever) but it is pretty doggone good. Work is work and I am on vacation starting today so that is always peace with me. I am working on some pieces this week. A play and a skit for church programs upcoming and trying to lock down the new book I am starting. Writing takes time, and it takes patience. Sometimes, I would be honest and say I don't have but God is showing me.

Random Thoughts

Enjoyed dinner with my pooh bear. Fries was too salty, tragic. Doctor's visit was good, I hope things are even better in six months. I felt old looking at these youngsters today in the mall. Something is missing. I don't know what it is. I couldn't help but think about that situation today. LORD, please help my mama to be happy. I'm not so sure about this event. I will go reluctantly, maybe there will be a blessing.

Becoming Bored... A Cautionary Tale

Boredom. It happens all the time. Well, perhaps not all the time but you can find yourself right there. In this season, I find myself here. Uninspired. Unmotivated. Basically too many doggone uns in my life at this time. I thought by now I would be knee deep in the writing of my next book. Yet, I barely even care. First it was writers block, then it was no time. Yet, I gotta be honest with myself. I am bored. Lets be a little honest. Work. Is very boring. I am not challenged and there are day where I just want to walk away. I am not using my degrees and finding a position in my company isn't going to happen it seems. I do my work and at times I have fun at it. Yet, this isn't what I want to do for the next 10 years of my life. I am contemplating going into teaching. Truth is, I do not know if I really want to do that. Yes, I have a gift for it. However, given what teachers are faced with on a day to day basis, its not exactly paying a truck load of money. Teachers are grossly underpaid. Which is why I have stayed on my job because I will basically make the same money. Better to deal with the devil you know, versus the one you do not. Church life. I love church. I love ministry. However, I would be lying to say I am not bored. Perhaps there is some sin in my life that is making me feel empty. I don't know. Either way. I am. I don't like it and I am sure I am not the only person who has ever been here. I hold a servant's position but I am feeling this way. I still love God, I still love the work. Perhaps, I should pray more. LORD deliver me from this boredom. I don't like this feeling. I gotta fight through it. There is no other way. I could find some new hobbies or something but I feel I will only become bored with that later on. I do know that at the end of the day, I am not hopeless. One of my all time favorite HBO series called "The Wire" featured a scene where a cop who went undercover was shot. As she recovered in the hospital, a couple of detectives came to see her to see if she could identify her assailants. She identified one of the men that shot her but refused to identify another one though one of the detectives clearly was directing her to identify him. She quietly remarked to him these words, "Some things just gotta play hard". In this situation, I just have play it hard through it. Truthfully, that is all of the excitement I can take at this moment anyway. In a strange way, maybe God is doing me a favor. Hmmm...

Caged Masculinity Archive post 11/17/2009

I am trapped in a cage of masculinity. Wrapped in chains appearing in invisibility. Tortured by the thought that I have be strong. Not realizing what I thought was strong, was so wrong. To be hugged by my father was not commonplace. Yet, even today there's barely a trace. Knowing that he was not hugged himself. Caused him to transfer this burden of wealth. "Fix your face, boy dont cry" All the time my spirit mourns silently asking "Why?" I have never understood the opposite sex. It caused me to have toxic relationships and expect. Love dont love nobody and who's gonna love me. If love dont mean nothing and especially if I am not free. The best things in life are free. Then why do I suffer cost continually? With God's help I have been able to heal. Take the emotions and wisdom I hold and feel, with the right mindset and perspective. To have balance is my one objective. Be strong, but not be ashamed of my tears. Be faithful, though i have failed over the years. Be sensitive when I want to be cold. Be vibrant in all things and love bold. I just want to be a man, and not be defined by things. Especially my masculinity and all the tradition it brings. Richard J Wright (2009)

Interracial Connections

Interracial connections are apart of the learning experience in this world. The one thing you as a person must realize is that this is a big world and you are not as important as you think you are. As a Black man, people of other ethnicities, have their thoughts about me. Black men are either adored or shunned completely. We have a unique perspective, experience, and world view. Truthfully, there is no such thing as a Black man. Like all classification, the tenets are based upon inferred conclusions. A brother once told me that Black people are like snow flakes. None two are alike. That is the truth. Which beckons the question? How can we unite if we are not the same? We can only come together in our commonality. Steve Cokely use to say that Black people can only unite in two capacities, victory or defeat. All one has to do is look at the Travon Martin killing and George Zimmerman trial. The results of a not guilty verdict was met with wide spread protest. In the aftermath of the verdict, a couple of the jurors have spoken up. Both citing the law as the reason Zimmerman was found not guilty. The rap group Above the Law had a song lyric that says "It's not what you know, it's what you can prove". The latest juror to come out, the only Hispanic said that Zimmerman got away with murder. The law was on his side. What is interesting is that people by just looking at her, might conclude that she is a Black woman. Just cause it looks Black, doesn't make it Black clearly.

KCOH this morning on person to person with the legendary Michael Harris talked expressively about race today. It was an interesting exchange with the co-hosts chiming in. The perspectives on race have changed but the old paradigm lingers. Particularly with the older ones among us. Black men today share relationships with people of many different people. This is an interesting thing because At 45, I do not have friends among other racial or ethnic groups. I have desired those relationships but over the years, nothing really developed outside of the workspace. At work, there are people who you get to know because you share time and space with them but even that sharing is limited often to sole task of making our respective employers rich above measure. In my work field I encounter people of different backgrounds everyday. I do find myself wondering if these same "friendly" people would be friendly if they saw me on the street somewhere. Its a conversation I have with myself because I do realize that as a Black man, I am the object of scorn and fear for some people. At times you have to communicate to people that you are harmless. A friendly hello or smile from time to time helps. I have to solicit conversations many times to break the awkwardness of someone's perception. In elevators, you see the tugs of purses. On sidewalks, you hear the doors on cars lock. Its an amazing dynamic. Some people would rather be feared and hated for what they are than loved for what they are not. Years ago, a middle eastern American said a remarkable statement to me. He said he liked Michael Jordan because he didn't act Black. Whatever that means. I knew what he was getting at. Black people tend to let people know they are Black from time to time. Its not like we run up in buildings and announce to the audience that "hey, the Black guy is here!". No. Black people tend to really not take any crap. We have and taken enough and still to this day continue to but some stuff we call BS on and we have no problem regulating when we have to. This attitude tends to offend people but guess what, too often we are on the offended side. A lot us are mad. We have a right to be. Slavery, Jim Crow, lynchings, discrimination, poverty tend to piss people off. I have heard often that Hispanics make better workers than Blacks because of our attitudes. Harder workers, less attitude. As a result, 12 to 13 million illegal aliens from across the border call America home.

In America, Brown people or Hispanic or a better term La Raza, are our closest allies. However, there are problems. Huge ones. Historically, we have suffered similar fates due to our economic struggles. Our neighborhoods are filled with Black and Brown people struggling to get the same dollar. Often, the criminal element has exploited this dynamic. Turf wars and gang violence are the results of misunderstandings and greed in the drug trade. Yet, we all know we share much more than that. Historically, whether its out East or West or down South Black and Brown can and do work together. However, the slave master does what he does and divides the people. Yet, we know together we are far better off than if we try to separate ourselves from one another especially we live in the same communities. I admire the La Raza. They are a beautiful people with a rich history. Game recognize game. Since we are beautiful people with a rich history, we can appreciate others who have that as well. Everything is education. We should encourage our youth to study and learn who people really are. People are more than what they eat. For some reason, we want to reduce our knowledge base to a carnal level by enjoying something people perhaps commonly ingest. Such is foolishness. While I can get with some good Tex Mex, I know that isn't the whole sphere of who they are. People are too complex for that short sightedness. The issue of Black people connecting with people outside will always be intriguing. I love and respect all of God's people. Its a shame that often times, we do not get that same love and respect. The crazy part is this. Black people are admired throughout the world for their struggle. While ignorance runs rampant in our communities and people who do not look like us tend to exploit that pain through the marketplace, these same people have to also admire our people's resolve when it comes to freedom. This country is brewing with a variety of people from all over the world. Black people fought and died to make it so. Its just too bad, many people will not or cannot see the truth.

Archive Post "Dream land Occurances" 2/27/10

Dreams.
Some folks dream and others do not.
I am one who happens to dream... alot.

Tonight, or should I say this morning I had two dreams.
Without going into detail because some stuff is just too personal and wayout after all its a dream.
All I can remember from the first dream was I was a pastor.
I was teaching, and I could see the church I pastored.

All I can really remember from the next dream was I was a gangster. I was shooting at some people and I remember my crew being under fire and us going through a small opening in a window and laying down those who attacked us.

Then I woke up.
I then heard a voice say... "choose life".
I then heard another voice say, "six millions ways to die... choose one".
Then I heard myself say... yeah, there are six million ways to die, but only one way to live".

Bizarre.
Sobering.
Truth.

Is it something I ate or more?