Just Get It Over With

As I began to learn more about you.
I found myself thinking over and over again.
She's going to break my heart.
I see it in your eyes.
I hear it in your lies.
I smell it in your perfume.
I sense it, this pending doom.
And though I want to ignore the signs.
They keep flashing me blindly,
while my mind detects the danger,
my heart is unaware
because it doesnt at the moment care.
Deep down I just want to tell her
"Just get it over with"
Dont take me through years of pain,
kill me now.
Stab me now.
Choke me out.
You gonna do it anyway.
I dont wanna die slow again...
If you love me as a friend,
then you would go ahead and just get it over with,

Richard J Wright (2011)

Oh boy, not another Valentine's Day

Oh boy, not another Valentine's day. Last year around this time I went to a movie dutch with a woman I was trying to date and get back in her good graces. The movie was "Valentine's Day" Yeah, go figure. Needless to say, Im no where near where I want to be in regards to that woman. (we are still friends... just not what I wanted) I was talking with another friend and we were talking about Valentine's day and she said I was sounding like a hater. Well... I was probably being a hater, but so what. Its another year. Im still single. No one tickles my fancy. Im getting phone calls from women who dont usually call. Im not stupid and Im not doing no mercy dates. Im not spending my hard earned dollars on stuff for people who dont deserve it. I will settle for a dollar movie and a Raising Cane's run before I give Wally World or Walgreens any of my money. Ok, well maybe for my daughter... But that's it.

Im not speaking a foriegn language. You see, in relationships there are languages that people speak. Married folk have a language, people in relationships have them. When you like somebody, its easy to try to communicate your intentions or thoughts but if the other person isnt responding then one or two things are at play. This person doesn't like you like that or they want you to change communication style because they are not hearing you at the moment. The trouble in relationships start when people are not communicating properly. Unfortunately, this can happen to easily if you are not paying attention. Plus, if a person shows you something, then you need to believe it. Dont just look at things as aberations. See it for what it is. There is nothing wrong with forgiveness or forgetting things but patterns and habits are another thing.

Truthfully, I would like some candy. A balloon. A woman to smile at me. Yet, it isnt my time. I know someone right now that would like to do that for me. The trouble is, Im not feeling her like that. Dont get me wrong, she's cool. But everybody isnt for everybody. Somebody is always out here for somebody and not just anybody. That's how I feel. I want love. Yet, I want it the right way with the right woman. Im a complex brother and I need certain things. I cannot ignore who I am. I cannot settle. I wont do it. Not for some lousy holiday called Valentine's Day.

What have I been up to these days...

Its a been a real minute since I have really dedicated myself to posting a real blog post. So, the question can be asked. What have I been up to these days.

1. Holidays Not exactly my favorite time of year, especially being single and struggling with it. It has been cool however because I did really look forward to the holidays. I hung out with family and friends, so it was cool. I didnt really feel like blogging about the experience because in the back of mind, I wanted to share this season with someone special but it was not to be.

2. Busy Not exactly what I wanted to be but I have been working some very long hours. So most times Im just too tired to blog anything.

3. Dating I have been dating a little bit. Trust when I tell you its overrated. Last night for example, I got a text from a friend. The text just simply said call her. Well, I had a long day, and I went to bed early. I just stared at it and put the phone down. Whatever she had to say wasnt that important. Plus she's kinda fickle anyway and I didnt want to be bother honestly. lol

4. Its a new year and there is new opportunities. Earlier this month, I was commissioned for ministry this year as a minister. God be the glory. That is all I can say about that because the challenges of this position are significant but with God's help, managable.

5. My child the teenager Handful. She's not into her dad much more. She's into her friends. Some which I like, and some which I dont. Sad enough I feel that way about their parents the same way, some I like and some I dont. Lately we dont hangout much. It seems I am always dropping her off at one of her friend's house. Glad to see my baby growing up but its a bittersweet type deal.

So that is what I have been dealing with. There is a lot to blog about, so Im getting to work. Peace!