The misunderstandings of dating.

You know being a single 42 year old man isnt all peaches and cream. If you date someone your age, you understand that generally speaking you are going to deal with some issues with the people you date. Case in point.

I have been dating this lady since last September. We have great conversations. We generally enjoy each others company until this past Friday night. I got off early, so I figured we would do an early date. Truth is, I had other things to do later. Now we went to the movies and to dinner. Nothing fancy. Im a single father, so whatever I spend takes away from other things. I'm not a baller, so I have to count every dime. Basically, i spend about 45 dollars. Not bad. Yet the next day, she asks if we are going to Ryans. I made the mistake and told her that I just spend 45 last night and I didnt have it like that. Well, girlfriend goes off. She says thanks for making her feel like crap. She then says we should went to Red Box and got a pizza. Eleven bucks. Now, mind you I wasnt tripping about the money. However, if you are asking if we are going somewhere and we just went out last night and you (Im assuming at this point.. not going to pay) what am I supposed to say? She then tells me that I should have said in response to her question "we are if you are paying". Not a bad response. However, a better one would be "hey lets go to Ryans, Im treating." Then she lectures me about me not saying those same words to another person im dating. Then she offers to give me 22.50 cent for the date. Me being me, I told her it wasnt about the money. Yet, it then pissed me off and if she didnt stay so far from me, I might have been tempted to go and get the money. Well, needless to say things with her are jacked up and probably will be permanently. I dont know. I did call her and she really didnt have anything to say. I probably chose a poor use of words but it was real as real could be. I learned a valuable lesson. Never tell a women what you spend on them. lol Its a shame because I really like her. I guess I blew it.

Why I love the Blues...

Why I love the blues? I guess because I am a Christian, some would say that I am not supposed to listen to this kind of music. Yeah, sure but it serves as a therapy for many of us. When you lose somebody you love, songs have a tendency to help you through the mess. While I know Jesus is the answer ultimately, I know the music is a vehicle that helps you and me get through our storms as well. This is one of those songs that makes you understand that life will always be filled with challenges and heartbreak. It is what it is. Sing it Bobby! I aint mad atcha.

In "I cant believe you white folks news"

What is up with white people? Just ponder that question for a moment.
I mean really. What is really going on with white people? You know the Chris Matthews situation is really funny to most of us. Why? Because its one thing white folks are good at, its reminding you that you are not them. Some people were offended at Chris' statements about looking at President Obama and forgetting he is a black man for an hour. Yeah that shoe must taste wonderful Chris because yes, you inserted your foot in your mouth. Yet, me being who I am I will say, thanks Chris. Thanks for keeping it real. The fact that you see Obama as a Black man 23 hours of the day, tells me that well... yall are really on guard when it comes to the brother. Its almost like waiting for the other shoe to drop. You guys will be waiting because that shoe is orbiting the Saturn right about now.

Now the former NBA loser who decided to play a stingy grumpy judgmental white man regarding Haiti is just another one of those deals where we as a people know we are not liked but some stuff is just out of line. Hey Jackbutt! the grand wizard of the Klan thinks you need to relax. So lets get this straight, you dont want to give money to a nation because you think that the people brought the calamity on themselves...? I guess you probably asking who am I talking about it. Well, I dont like giving a piece of crap any pub, so you are gonna have to get the full details from another blog or website. You know this loser is just waiting to be swung on. The problem is many people feel the same. But you know whats surprising, its mostly white people.

I dont get the right... They are so wrong how could they even be considered to be the right. Yet, even the right have problems. Take that fat dope fiend wanna be NFL owner on the AM dial. Yeah, yall know who im talking about. This cat is just itching to be scratched. Some foolishness is always flying out his piehole. I know why whites bother to listen to this gas bag. They honestly dont like anyone but themselves. Even the sellouts that occupy the right find that this dude and his mentality need to go. Dont get me started on the sell outs. Stay Tuned, I got something for all em. As far as whites not liking President Obama, we dont expect all of yall to be in love with the brother. Why you think we dont fly off the handle when you do say something stupid like "I hope he fails". Or worst peckerwoods in the pulpit calling for God to kill Obama. Dont get me started on the nutcases that think he is the anti-Christ. Yeah white people, we know you dont like us. We know you never have. We know that you will always have an issue with us. That's cool. We expect nothing less from you.

Now... white people need to ponder one thing. They know we love President Obama. If its one thing they dont want, that is for somebody to assault the president. Malcolm X was uncalled for. Dr King's murder was beyond words. Yet, if something happens to President Obama.... You might want to speed up your plans for the apocalypse. They say third time is a charm. Well, trust me... that is something you dont want. You dont want the president to fail and God forbid if somebody tries to take his life. It will be on and not just here but all over the world. This silly neo nazis and their ilk talk about a race war as if that is something they really want. Hey stupid white people... you do know you are outnumbered globally 14 to 1 right? Lets get one thing straight white people. Yall talk a good game and somedays you usually show up. Yet take this to the bank... if something were to happen to our beloved President. You will lose this nation permanently. 2042 is around the corner. Oh for those that dont know... thats the year when whites will become a minority in this nation. Yall need to get somewhere and sit down. I mean what is it with you guys? Most whites are great. They are passionate, they care about the world and everyone in it. Yet, its a segment that we could just deal without. Yall had stones to enslave and colonize the world and give people a picture of Jesus that is erroneous. This aint your world anymore. Yall losing your power. I know it sucks but get over it. Otherwise, you will go down in history as being a great people who just couldnt get over themselves and thought everyone else should be like you or be a slave in your world. Chris was right... Obama is post racial... but too bad yall cant get over the color of his skin. I think yall would really like the guy. But then again... you wouldnt be white people otherwise. I feel sorry for yall. So much power and yet so little understanding. Sucks to be you... Next.

Real Talk.... a message to you and you and you and you and you too.

Love is whatever you can still betray ... Betrayal can only happen if you love. ~ John LeCarre




I have been misunderstood,
thought of as no good.
I try to leave the hood,
but the hood is just in me.
while enemies act friendly.
The whole thought just offends me.

I don't have friends,
and that's for a reason.
Too much trust is like too much seasoning,
it will leave you salty,
while hearts are faulty.
So if I aint interested, don't fault me.


My heart goes out to the babies,
the rest of yall done drove me crazy.
I cant live my life for you,
or whatever you do,
who gonna look out for what I do.

You see trust is reserved for God,
to love and trust the rest of yall is just too hard.
too many are fraud
I rather lean on the LORD.
He don't break my heart,
He don't break my spirit.
If I call, I know He hear it.

If I sent you text,
or call,
you probably wont call back.
So why you surprised when I fall back?
I dont run around trying be all in your face.
If you dont want me, then you will be replaced.

Im just sick of nonsense,
the hurt and the pain.
The wind, and the storms that accompany the rain.
I believe in God, I wanna believe in you too,
but all thats predicated on what you do.
When you show me who you are,
that's what I'm gonna believe.
The truth speaks with proof,
so why even bother trying to deceive?
Real Talk...

When you cannot have what you want.

In dominoes the game, there is a proverb.
"All money aint good money"
Life is the same way.
You cannot have everything you want.
It doesnt matter what it is or who it is.
Life is not about getting always what you want.
Last night I dreamed about someone.
Someone who I want.
Yet, it is someone I cannot have.
For whatever reason, life happened.
Because life happens, things are set in a way where its not to be.
You could say its like living a lie.
Have you ever tasted a fine wine
and remember how it touched the pallet of your tongue?
Do remember how it smoothly went down and gave you a warmth unlike no other wine?
How would you like to know that you would never get to taste it ever again?
Its almost tormenting.
Sometimes things you touch and taste,
are not for sale or for consumption... anymore.
Its enough to bring a tear to your eye.
Life happens.
So now you walk about aimlessly.
Confused. Conflicted. Confounded.
All of these cons.
Leave you convinced.
You been conned.
Even as you go forward.
Like Lot's wife, you just want to see what you cannot have...
again.
Yet, like the dominoes proverb says "all money aint good money".
So you make another play.
And try not remember what could or could have been.
Life happens.
Again and Again.

Richard J Wright (2010)

Unmotivated

Sometimes I get in a funk. Just the day to day grind wears on you. You desperately want to have something else but there is no light in sight regarding the tunnel. Sometimes you just have ride it out. Thats what Im doing, because honestly there is nothing else to do. Get back to yall sooner than later I hope.

Set back the Clock

As I gaze at the calendar on my wall.
I think to myself.
This thing is old.
Yet, it has set there for past month or so.
2009 has gone and this calendar has got to go.
Yet, for some reason
I wish I could set back the clock.
Go back far enough to reverse the tick tocks.
I'd go back to the day she left.
I'd go back to the day I regret.
I'd go back to the day I lost my way.
I'd go back to the day I lost my pay.
It makes no sense to wish I could rewind.
I just dont want to cry in those times.
I just wanna undo whats been done.
Then I think about the days I won.
So since I dont wanna redo that time.
Why waste a time machine trip that might make me blind.
I couldnt see what the pain would do for me.
How it made me forgive
and how it made me live.


Richard J Wright (2010)

To My Baby Momma

Its been a while since I seen you.
I hope that life is good now for you.
I wish things didn't turn out the way the did.
God, you daughter is an awesome kid.

You left her with a gaping wound in her heart.
I beat myself up over the part,
I played in leaving you in the streets.
Yet, the streets is where you and I did meet.

I tried to love you,
but you kept pushing me away.
There really isnt much that I can say.
I rather have peace than arguements and fights.
At the time neither one of us was right.

You daughter misses you.
I confess that I miss you too.
Not for me, but just for her.
The streets is what you preferred.

Just other day, she showed me the only picture of all of us.
On the back it said "my dream family"
the whole scene just killed me.
I dropped so many tears in that moment.
I could have filled the grand canyon and I had to own it.
Because you are not here to see,
what you being away has done to she.

Love is pain is what she said.
You love somebody, they hurt you.
Its all in her head.
What words can I say.
I just told her baby,
"It'll be okay".

Yet in the seven years you havent been around.
I find myself crying and always down.
I cant find a woman to take your place.
You will always be mommy.
To look for another would be waste.

All we have is memories.
Heartache and sympathy.
She's so beautiful I must say.
I see her in you every single day.

*tears*

Richard J Wright (2010)

Completion

It is hard to find someone who completes your space.
They are like jewelry.
They shine uniquely and connected intimately to you.
You may try several pieces but they really dont match.
That is why that special someone is such a catch.
Your words go together like children and laughter.
They can wipe your tears in the midst of a disaster.
They can let you live, because they know how to forgive.
They know the words they say, mean much because of the way they are given.
They make life in this crumbling world worth living.
They are the marrow in your bones.
The beating of your heart.
The meaning of each and everyday, as a brand new start.
Its just simply,
completion.

Richard J Wright (2010)

Caution: Illusions Up Ahead

Last night and friend and I took in a movie. We saw Up In the Air starring George Clooney. Now I admit that Im not the biggest George Clooney fan, I havent been able to really see dude in a positive light since the Batman Forever movie. Sorry George, nipples on the Batman suit is just nasty. Anyway, I digress. In the movie, old George plays an executive who basically lives in airports and hotels. He comes across a fellow traveler who he connects with. They hang out, they sleep together, they hook up from time to time on the road. Well old George has a sister who's getting married and George is getting misty eyed at the whole marriage and family deal. Well, come to find out his inspiration has expression in the lady he met. However, sad to say the lady isnt what she appears to be. Chica is married with kids. Old George finds out that he is simply an "outlet or escape". Now that is just funky.

Now, which brings me to this post. In life we find ourselves in some interesting situations. Ever met someone and they are nothing like they present to themselves. (Yeah.. we are on the internet.. that doesn't happen right?) Who hasnt met anyone online? Were you pleasantly surprised or horrified? People you meet in person do the same thing but the internet... well that's another animal altogether. Some people find love and that's not a bad thing. However, skeletons lurk in strange places when you procede to meet people offline. It is amazing what a comment and a picture can do. People have changed their lives behind it. Good and bad. It is what it is.

I know people who have gotten married. Shortly afterwards, they realize that they have been sold a bill of goods labeled "as is". Which means since you bought it, you cannot return it. Now when they purchased the product it was marketed as new, yet when they got it home. They begin to see the dents and defects. What can you do? You have already bought the product and you cannot take it back. So you deal with it. Have you bought into someone who isnt who they claim they are? You have invested time emotionally and now here is the let down. Too late to go back. So what do you do? You learn to deal with it. You try to find that silver lining. You try to squeeze that lemon enough to make lemonade. What if thats not possible? Well, safe to say that it sucks for you. Next time read the signs. CAUTION: ILLUSIONS UP AHEAD

Random Thoughts... at 5:15am

Yesterday was brutal... I dont want to see a day like that in a minute.

Glad I didnt snap yesterday on that clown.

I need a dentist stat!

Where is this relationship going?

Dreading going to wash this weekend.

I am so behind, until its not funny.

She's pretty interesting.

Man, I feel so bad for her.

I love my mama.

I love my daddy.

46 million to go away.. I aint mad atcha Conan.

The Prayer Letter

Dear God,

Im stuck in a hole,
trying to be made whole.

I just finished fighting a cold,
but the world is so cold.

I feel like a mole,
I touch my face and feel my mole.

I try to sooth my mind with soul,
But I just feel empty in my soul.

God please help Haiti to not fold,
Embrace them and join them to your fold.

All of the calamity we have been told,
Teach them LORD the greatest story ever told.

Let love rule and take hold,
cup Your hands oh great God and hold.

Dont let disease conquer through sickness and mold.
Move on their behalf and begin to mold.

A brighter day and a new road.
No longer in poverty's cycle we rode.

Bless the people who's ancestors were sold.
and give us all freedom that is not sold.


In Jesus name,
Amen.


Richard J Wright (2010)

What's it really all about?

Given the tragedy in Haiti, one thing everyone reading this and everyone sitting with roof over their head, better know one thing. Its not about you. Strange enough it takes a devestating event to remind us how frail our lives are. The authorities overlooking the tragedy are estimating 200,000 dead and over 1.5 million people homeless. What does that tell you? What do you believe about your life? None of us can imagine how we would feel if we had to go through something like that. Imagine a whole generation of your people being wiped out. Imagine your whole entire family gone just like that. Imagine waking up to the reality that their is no overnight cure to your problems. Reportedly Haiti is 35% under the age of 18. Orphans. This is scary. It reminds us of Africa and its problem with AIDS. All of these children with no father or mother, or grandparents, or aunties or uncles. Forced to grow in a world all alone.

What am I saying? Shake yourself. Stop tripping about your bills. Stop tripping about your haters. Stop tripping about life in general. Somebody has it worst than you. This is your notice. You have no excuse. Life is short. You'd better live it to the fullest because at least you have a say in your life. Its not about you. This is a big world. You are a minnow in huge tank. Eat or be eaten. Listening to R&B singers moan about their sexual exploits or rappers yapping about their money, just dont cut it. How can we be so shallow after this? God is trying to get our attention. Pay attention or pay a bigger price. Its up to you. Yall can have the depression. Yall can have these backwards thinking nitwits who can't make up their mind whether or not they can love you. We better get somewhere and sit down and stop complaining about our lives. I dont know everything about life but what I do know is that life isnt about us. Again I am saying God is trying to get our attention. You can ignore it if you want. As long as you cant see past your life and your issues. You will suffer the sickness that plagues so many of us. Selfishness. God help us all.

Its been interesting... of late.

You know, its been a minute since I last posted something. A number of things have taken place and it just wouldn't be right if I just let them pass by.

1) The Earthquake in Haiti
All I can say is oh my God. 7.0 on the richter scale. Thousands dead. Thousands unaccounted for. Thousands trapped. Lives permanently changed. Lets pray for the people of Haiti and support them with our wallets as well as our concerns. Above all, be thankful for your life because this is just one reminder of how blessed we really are.

2) Teddy Pendergrass passes away.
All I can say is he will be missed. Thank God for the recording technology. We have a catalog of music we can dance to, romance to, and think about. From his stint with Harold Melvin and the Blue Notes to his solo material. A real singer with real songs. God bless him and his family.

3) Pat Robertson's ill timely statements.
All I can say is Pat, you are out of line. Repent. You think destruction of a country warrants a statement about Satanic influence? Really, if Haiti is guilty of that, then the United States is going to really be hit hard. I could say more, but I have kind of calm down from the time I first heard about the statement he made. So its a moot point to really deal with it. He just needs to apologize and not be so rash to point out what He thinks God did with the people of Haiti.

4) NFL playoffs have started. Yep. Congrats to the Saints. They did dat. Congrats to Indy. Two more games on Sunday.

I have slipped in my consecration or should I say lack of it. Hopefully, I can begin anew and not beat myself up about it.

Other than that. Man. A lot is going on in the world.
Be blessed and stay focused.
Remember Haiti.
Please remember Haiti.
Our people need us over there.
Humanity stand up!

Cocoon Yourself

There are times in life when you desire change above anything else. Sometimes life decisions or experiences create a deep desire to be apart of something different. Life is meant to be explored and not ignored. Who told any of us that we have to be apart of some kind of rigamorow? Just moving to and fro everyday with the same old same. Same music, same routine, same thoughts, same people, same everything. Let us look at one of God's smallest creatures for inspiration. The catapiller.

The catapiller is small in size. Some would even say that it is ugly. Yet, this catapiller is born with a purpose to change itself. In order for this change to take place. It has to cocoon itself. It has to wrap itself up and be still for a season. During this season it begins to not evolve but transform. After a period of time, the transformation take place. Its molecular structure changes and because of that, its appearance changes. After being cocooned for such a change, it emerges from the shell of the cocoon and flies away. It began life crawling. It continued its life by being still. Now, after being perfectly changed, it now flies. Its territory has been enlarged, just simply by being still long enough to transform.

Will you and I be still long enough to transform? Sometimes, you have to cut yourself off from the world and its troubles and deal with yourself. Though we do not radically change physically like the catapiller, spiritually we can transform to be the best person in which the LORD our God expects. Shut down your regular routine and cocoon yourself. When you deal with the beam in your eye, you can be qualified to help others deal with the specs in theirs. The point is to take time to make a statement. Whether its running to the gym, going back to school, or becoming closer to God, you are going to have to cocoon yourself. That means get away from people, places and things that continue to hinder your progress and transformation. Its okay, invest in yourself, so you can fully invest in the people in and around you. You and them will be better for it.

POST #100!

Well this is my 100th post of this blog. I am especially proud of this blog, though only a few really know about it. Many people I am told read it but very few comment or subscribe to it. It has been 100 posts of venting, enlightening and therapy for yours truly.

In the next three weeks, I will be in consecrated. The next three weeks will be filled with posts dedicated to ministry and building. I am going to many things, so for those of you who do read my blog, stay tuned. I promise it will be uplifting, inspiring and thought provoking. There will no be no venting if I can help it. Just look forward to some powerful teaching. I promise you will be blessed.

Misery Loves Company

Recently, I talked with a good friend of mine and she was despressed about the clock turning into a new year and she was still alone. Her trouble isn't her looks. Her trouble isn't her desire. Her trouble lies with her persona. She isn't really sure what she looking for. When a person doesn't know what they are looking for, its a sign that they have not found what they're looking for in themselves. My advice to her to work on herself. Yet, it has fallen on deaf ears. She is one these sisters who thinks she should be able to get a man in her present state. She works hard for a living. She doens't want a man to take care of her children. She does that well for herself. Yet, she is still manless. Sometimes you have to look at yourself and your standards to see if they are reasonable and realistic. Yet, as I stated earlier. She really doesn't know what she wants. She just wants love. Nothing wrong with wanting love but the package in which the love comes in may be questionable at best. She even told me that as a person who is single, I possibly cannot like being single. I dont. She's right. Except, I understand somethings that I need to do personally in order to really be ready for a relationship. I think sometimes if we are alone for an extended period of time, we can become despondent about our situation. I wont visit despair with her. Hey, it sucks being single at times. Then I realize that maybe I need to do somethings. Discover some new tactics or interests to boost my stock. I told her basically to work on herself on some more. If nothing else, find interests that will fulfill that gulf that lies in her socially and emotionally. Misery loves company and in this new year. I am not going to fall for that okey doke.

Celebrate the New Year!!!

01-01-10

Happy New Year!
Many of us waited for this moment with baiting breath. Now its here. So, what are you going to do different this year than the previous year or any other year for that matter. I dont know about you but I woke up with the same problems. My finances are still out of whack. Im still single. I didnt get to hug or kiss anybody when the clock struck 12 midnight. Im still coughing up cold. Im still in the same still.

Well...
I guess if change is going to happen, then you and I gotta make it happen. Change is like that cute cheerleader that is bubbly and always has a smile on her face. She sees you but looks like she's isnt paying any attention to you. So you have to grab her attention. After all, she's been here before. She has waved her pom poms at you. She jumps and leaps with excitement. Yet, she's just not impressed by you. So you gotta do something that impresses her. Truthfully, to impress this chica you gotta do something that you have never done before. You are gonna have to stretch your limits and bust out the comfort zone you have been lolly gagging in. Once you do that, you turn her head. Now... How do you keep her head turned toward you. You gotta perform stunts that she has never seen from you and yes this sucks but... you are going to have to keep it up. You might need an oxygen tank when your done; but when its over change will cuddle up next to you and stay with you.

So having said that. LETS GO GET IT! WHATEVER IT IS YOU TRYING TO DO! IF THAT DONT WORK, THEN YOU GOTTA TREAT CHANGE LIKE A CHICK NAME OPPORTUNITY.

Opportunity is that around the way girl. She isnt easy but she is always advertising. Sometimes you gotta show a lil thug passion with opportunity. You got to grab her and squeeze her tight. You have to show her raw passion. You gotta show her something. You dont have a lot time to figure out things. With Opportunity, you gotta get down to business. She gives you one shot. Thats all you got. She will leave you with room for error but you dont have all day to get it right. When you step to this chica, you better have a plan and a goal in mind. Opportunity dont have time for wishing. Could have drowned saving should have, while would have laughed the whole time. The key to this mami is focus. You gotta focus. Remember you got one shot. Sometimes, Im not gonna lie, you may have snatch this girl kicking and screaming. Yet, when she sees you are serious, really serious. Oh boy, opportunity expands your mind. She starts even suggesting new things and fresh ideas. Yet, if you are somebody just playing around. She gets bored. SO HANDLE YOUR BUSINESS!!


ITS A NEW YEAR. KICKSTART IT BY REALIZING THAT IF IT IS TO BE, THEN ITS UP TO ME!! Dont blame Change and Opportunity if you dont step up. Own your faults. They are out there waiting. Go get em' and tell 'em I sent you. That will make them either smile or laugh. LETS DO IT!!!