sin·gu·lar·i·ty /ˌsɪŋgyəˈlærɪti/ Show Spelled[sing-gyuh-lar-i-tee] Show IPA
–noun,plural-ties for 2–4.
1.the state, fact, or quality of being singular.
2.a singular, unusual, or unique quality; peculiarity.
3.Mathematics. singular point.
4.Astronomy. (in general relativity) the mathematical representation of a black hole.
For the past few years, it is not a secret that I have struggled being single. As a man being married for several years, I became used to having a partner around me. It is a blessing to have someone. Yet, when that is not your reality, you are forced to deal with the circumstances that are before you.
Some people love being single. I love being single sometimes. I would be lying to myself if I did say I just want to be single. At one point, I did want to be single when I was married. Yet, my idea of being single for my life at that time was full of errors. I did not measure or count the cost. I did not see how I would feel during holidays or days when I was just needing a loving touch from that special someone.
I am starting to feel okay about being single. Am I fully healed from the pain I have been through? Not at all. I am healed in the sense that I am okay and can love again. Yet, the pain from the previous relationship has not gone away fully because I am a firm believer that some pain never dies, it only changes. You can use pain to your advantage or your disadvantage and that is the difference.
So. What is different today? I am giving myself permission to think singular. I cannot think about someone else's issues. Especially, if they do not have anything to do with me. I love my ex-wife. The alternative is to hate her. Instead of being angry, or pitying her, I just love her from afar. I cannot concern myself with whats going on with her because if I do, then I take that energy I need to focus on me and give it her with no expectation of recieving anything in return. That goes for anyone I may date as well. I love people. However, as a single man I have to focus on me and not let someone else's issues or problems become my problems. As a Christian, I am to be concern about the welfare of others. That is part of my vocation but I am not to allow anything separate me from the love of God or His will for my life.
The word that is swimming in my head these days is value. A person (who I am dating or considering to date) must have value in order for me to consider anything remotely possible. I nust bring value as well. I cannot bring my baggage and expect someone to put up with it. Instead I must bring value to the table along with those things inside of me that I carry. If the truth were to be told, we all have baggage. We might think we have liberated ourselves from our pasts or the drama we faced but more often than not, your past shows up without an invitation. I have seen this time and time again. It does not mean we are not over our past, but what it does mean is that we tend to carry things without notice. Its okay. It makes you human. However, we are not to allow nothing to determine our future except our ambition, desire, and passion. I am giving myself permission to think for myself, by myself because right, that is all that matters. Myself. I love me and for that reason I know I can love some else.
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