All is fair in love and war...really?

You know love is a wonderful thing. It does not suck to be in love. It is the greatest gift God bestows on His children. When Christ died for the ungodly, it was because He loved us. When a man finds a wife, the bible declares that he finds a good thing. Why? Because the man finds the one thing in his life that he needs most. Somebody to love him. That is why when God saw the animals who had mates and then looked at Adam who was alone, He declared that is not a good thing for man to be alone. So God in His wisdom created woman from the man He created. That my friends is a beautiful thing.

However.

What happens when love shows up on the scene? Many people go through many different emotions all of which are related to being in love but not necessarily because of love. Think of all the songs you have heard that hail infidelity. Bobby Womack's "I wish he didn't trust me so much" comes to mind. TLC's Creep and every other third blues song ever made. Many of these songs are bits and pieces of justification to step outside the boundaries of commitment. I know people in my family who cheated on their wives and married the "other" woman and had lasting relationships. At family functions, everything is peaches and cream but whispers linger and secrets are quite comical. Yet, we believe that all is fair in love and war. Truthfully, sometimes love is war and war is love. Which leads people to believe that it may not be ethical but its fair. Take the dynamic of being single versus being married. If you single, then you are single. Oh sure, having a girlfriend or a boyfriend is nice but as I told a sister recently, what's the point? Are we just wasting our time because their is nothing better to do? The language of singles and married couples are different. Yet, we try to smear and blur those lines. We have shacking as an example. I heard a wise man once tell a brother "its hard to eat from two tables". Yet, many do all the time. We live double, triple, quadruple lives speaking in languages and dialects that do not reflect reality. Yet, we do it because we can and we think its fair.

In my divorce, I was devestated. Divorce is horrible. You may think the person you are divorcing merits leaving but that is an emotional and spiritual tearing that is not like anything you will ever feel. How did I get there? Truthfully, pride and looking at the relationship made me feel "its not fair". Nevermind that working it out was an option. Which by the way I tried, yet the other party decided to move on. Recently, this other party remarried and after only almost 6 months wants to "hook up". I guess the green grass has some brown patches. Now, in my small mind I could take her up on her offer but why? Because I could? Hell.. never. I scratched my bald head wondering why? Which leads to the old saying "you dont miss your well until its gone". Yet, I refuse to play this game because one it does not benefit me at all. Some people believe that if the sex in your relationship is mind blowing then you can get it whenever you want. While I agree that good sex is crucial in any marriage, it will not keep it together. Good sex prolongs relationships but will never keep one. Its what occurs outside the bedroom that makes that dynamic possible and leads people to cheat. I could go and get some but why? Is all really fair in love and war? Truthfully like Tina Turner said "what's love got to do with it?". Not a doggone thing.

What am I saying? Many times the things we do are not because of love. We are self driven creatures at heart. Things may seem right but we know in our heart of hearts we are just wrong. Yet, this goes on and on. Right now somewhere, a woman is meeting a man in a parking lot at a mall. She tells her husband she's going shopping. Yet, in a few minutes she will be locked in a hotel room with a man she thinks in some perverse sort of way is love or the loving she's missing at home. Somewhere there's man who is on the road talking to a woman about how horrible his marriage is. The women on the receiving end of this conversation is sympathic to his frustrations. Leading her small mind into the possibility that I would be better to you. Why? All is fair in love and war... really?