Reflections of Time Spent

This weekend, I went to a funeral. I went to church and watched the Superbowl. I watched it at home, undisturbed. I rested on my futon and lazily watched the game and laughed at a few commercials. It was a full weekend filled with laughter, tears, emotion and thought.

As a man, times like these remind me how precious life is. I think about how much I need to love and be loved. Since the radio isnt working in my car, I had to listen to humming of the road. In this midst of this, I tried to think clearly about the going ons in my life.

As a younger man, you dont put much stock in relationships. As you get older, you learn the importance of them. I wonder whether or not I will find love and have a happy ending. Too often, I am just disappointed at what I have experienced. Somethings self inflicted and others just a circumstance where life happens. There is no devil to blame. Sometimes I just screw up and other times, things just happen.

God... Boy do I need Him. I am struggling to keep my sanity. As a 40 something, bachelorhood is way overrated. I need to comfort of a woman. Now I dont need a woman to live, but I need a woman be made alive. At least thats what I tell myself from time to time. Well. Actually, its God that I need. Because if I have Him, then perhaps He will show me mercy and bring that special someone to my life. While I do have some choices available at this moment. Truthfully, I dont know if they are to be taken seriously. The whole situation is problematic at best.

I just dont want to be alone. That much is certain. As long as the phone is ringing. As long as there someone to talk to, I seem to be okay. Yet, there are those days when the phone doesnt ring. Those days when I scroll through my phone directory and no one is available or answering the phone. I start think then that something is perhaps wrong with me.

I have a lot of work to do. The trouble with that is, I dont know exactly what Im supposed to do. Perhaps I should just stand still and wait on God. I ask myself though, "Is God waiting on me?" Surely He knows what I need. God help me.