Finding Love

Love.
Four little letters that mean so much and yet hard to obtain and hold. I am in an interesting position. I want love in my life. Yet, my search has been futile. Today I was working and saw an elderly couple walking hand in hand. I say to myself. "Man, why cant I have that?"

Recently, I felt shaken by the thought that I might die single. That is not cool. I look at people in my life and I am pissed at the fact that so many people have love, yet I dont. I hear people complain about their spouses and yet, I remind them that being in my shoes is no cigar.

Do you know what its like to hear love songs playing on the radio and have no one to think of when you hear them? Its like you are an alien. I thought I had a girlfriend but she's not thinking about me like that, for now. I guess I have one to many issues. LORD knows Im far from perfect. To say it didnt hurt my feelings would be a lie. While she desires to be in my life, its not something she is willing to commit too at this point.

I just want to have love in my life. Is that so bad? Am I not worthy of love? I hear stuff like "oh you are a great guy" "oh you are so considerate and nice" Blah Blah Blah. All of its nice stuff but it doesnt sooth my yearning heart. Its hard to be strong when you are incomplete. Now, I dont believe that I need a woman to make me complete but I know the value of a good woman in your life. Therefore, it is something I truly desire.

Truth is, I hate dating. All the time put in to find out this person aint the one. There is a chill in the air and I dont like it. My heart is starting to feel cold out here. All of its perplexing to my mind. Im hurting and no one is there to sooth this feeling. I get tired of people complaining about having some one. Try living alone without someone. Try going to bed a night with nothing but a pillow to hold. Try going weekend after weekend unsure what to do. I used to go to movies alone but now I hate it. I rarely go now. Why must it be so hard? All this confusion because im having a tough time finding love.