Visions of Heaven

Saturday, December 25, 2010

The Gift of Forgiveness


The most powerful gift you can give someone is the gift of forgiveness. The story of Jesus is just that. God's gift came to spread truth, mercy, and redemption. On a personal note. I have battled with forgiveness because at times its hard. Sometimes your life is a constant reminder what has happened to you. Yet, in the midst of it. You have to forgive them. One thing I have learned, its not for them but for you. Releasing people from things they cant atone for anyway is true forgiveness. Sometimes you gotta know that people cant make up what they have done to you. They maybe clueless. They may not have any idea that you still cry or you still are in pain. It doesn't matter. God did it, so I have to and that settles it. Besides, the power of release is a ministry all in itself. So this Christmas season, find it in your heart to forgive someone. We all have family, friends, and enemies that need forgiving. They dont have to even know, but if you tell them, then well, you just added to the blessing. Forgive is godliness. Its a gift that you can give to someone or yourself. Christ believed you deserved it, why not someone else?

Sunday, November 28, 2010

Whats been going on?

Well. I hope everyone had a great weekend and super holiday. So what's been going on? Not a whole lot. I saw some good movies, ate some good cooking courtesy of my mama. Holed my self up in a hotel room for a night. Now, im chilling getting ready for the work week. Im sitting here chilling watching Shogun Assassin, a cult classic for martial arts movie fanatics. Thanksgiving was alright. It was definitely chill. Plus the Texans won today and shut out the Titans. That was cool.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Music Break II

Monday, November 15, 2010

When a Man Cries...


When a man cries,
a place in his heart dies.
Whether its due to the truth or someone's lies.
And what is so strange is that most will never know.
When or even why or how
when a man cries.

Dont mistake his tears
for weakness.
Dont mistake his emotions
for oceans of being soft.
Instead lightly tread.
On and over those eyes that bled.
Heavy is his head.
His burden too often left unsaid.

Sometimes the rain will fall.
Sometimes the pain will call,
for tears.
Just let it be.
Sometimes its the only way
we can feel light and free.


Richard J Wright (2010)

Sunday, November 14, 2010

An Open Letter to my Future Wife


Dear Honey,

I miss you. Though I havent seen you, you should know that I miss you. My heart yearns for you. I am so tired of going places alone. I am so tired of not having no one to talk to in the early morning. I need your advice. I need your soft eyes. I need your gentleness. My heart breaks for you. I have stored up a resevoir of tears and laughter just for you. I know Im not perfect. I know Im a piece of work. Yes, I know. I know. I know. Yet, you must know, that I love you. I cannot imagine my life without you. Strange isnt it. I havent even met you. And still I cannot get you out of my mind. Hope to meet you soon.

Love,

Richard

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Finding My Way

Somehow, I will find my way to your heart.
And I will not be just one of many parts.
I will a motivating force
and not forced to play the background
or have to hear the sounds of you complaining
about him...

Instead I will bide my time.
Listen and learn while I plan this crime.
Oh yes, I plan on stealing your heart.
Leaving nothing but residue and no parts.
So I wont have hear the sounds of you complaining
about him...

Its certainly taken longer than I anticipated,
but I will be glad that I waited.
Perhaps you need your own motivation.
Instead of feeding your frustration.
Why not take a daycation?
Just one day, to not think about him...

I am finding my way,
one way or another.
Or perhaps I will find another.
So you can find someone else to complain to about him...
LORD help you.


Richard J Wright (2010)

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Wipe These Tears Lord

Lord, I am so tired of being tired.
As a man, I need a companion,
one that will hold my hand.
One that will understand.
One that will allow me to be a man.
I am waiting on You.
Im just weeping and going through.
Please Jesus,
wipe away these tears.

Richard J Wright (2010)

Monday, October 18, 2010

The Peeling of a Man


It has been largely debated throughout the years, the reason that men do not attend church. Especially, Black men. Why do Black men find church so unappealing? Is it the time spent listening to sermons? Is it because men would rather watch sports? Is it because church caters to a female's psyche exclusively? Some of these reason are valid but I have to disagree partly with all of them. So what is the problem, in my opinion? Men do not want to be stripped or peeled.

It is God's intention to make a man like Himself. In order for God to do this, God has to perform a surgery of sorts. He performs this surgery in a number of ways. He gives him (the man) His Word. He gives him, a shepherd to follow, the Man Christ Jesus. He gives him His Spirit, the Holy Ghost. Now, the man must be still and listen long enough for the Word to penetrate his heart and mind. This is difficult but only because the man can become restless. Like a surgeon standing over a body, often times the surgeon has to put the person to sleep in order to do the work necessary. However, God has given man free will and choice. God will not put a man to sleep by force. The sleep I speak of is spiritual. Spiritually, a man has to allow God to work on him and through him. Men tend to become afraid or apprehensive because at times the work is painful and challenging.

When God works on a man, He peels layers of dead clothing off of the man. The dead clothing represents the old man and his ways. God begins to pull away the dead tissue of the old life; all the while dressing him for his new life in the process. Men tend to not want to deal with the pain and shortcomings of his life. Man tends to medicate himself with objects of pleasure. God desires to remove the old ways of a man, so he can live spiritually and naturally the way He intended for him in the beginning. It is human nature for a man to like his self the way he has always been. God challenges the man to adopt His way of life and sometimes men feel it is too hard or not necessary.

The peeling of man is not designed to kill the man but heal him. Men can experience a great joy in being made over but the uncertainty of what God wants to do is always present. When men allow God to work, men experience life changing explosiveness. Yet, the man will only experience what he allows God to do. Relationships change. World views change. Thoughts change. Hearts change.

Let God work on you. You will be surprised at what He will do through you and for you. Those old ways must go. We must walk in the light, as He is in and the Light.
Amen.

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Ordinary Day

God is too good to have an ordinary day. Yet, for whatever reason, we tend to have those kind of days. You know the day to day rigamarow. (slang moment). lol Try to make each day special. Do something different each day. Laugh more. Talk more. Share more. NO MO ORDINARY DAYS FOR ME!!!

Music Break I

God, Where Is My Wife?


I have been single for a while. I haven't even had a girlfriend. My ex-wife has been my last relationship and its been a couple of years since then. So, Im like "God, where is my wife?". Im not getting any younger. Im not feeling this single thing. People roll in and out of your life so easily. Folks do not even bother to say goodbye. They just leave. Im so glad I have friends, otherwise I would be extremely lonely. Now Im just kinda lonely. lol As if thats even better. I am a man. I need companionship. I need hugs. I need kisses. I need kind words. I need the soothing only a woman can provide. Maybe all of these needs are wants. Either way, the Kid isnt a happy old chap. Im a afraid he will only become more and more jaded. One of greatest fears is being old and alone. Yeah, I know, it sucks. Im just saying. It sure would be nice to have somebody to call my own. Yes, I have lots of work to do on myself and things around me. Im just tired of being alone. Al Green really said something when he sung that song. So God, if you are listening, I just wonder, "where is my wife?"

Random Thoughts... Its been a long time


... is it wrong to really like a friend?

... the more things change, the more they seem the same.

... i am tired of being alone.

... i have not been feeling much of a writer lately.

... i remember i used to listen to music for hours, what happened?

... thanks facebook, now i know why she stopped calling.

... i was told to get ready.

... i love my friend, but at times she's driving me crazy.

... i need a better job.

... i dont like waking up crying.

... LORD, i could really use some help.

... lust is struggle for me.

... im tired of writing these random thoughts.

The Sound


Its been so long since I heard that sound.
A sound so sweet that I get cavities just thinking about it.
In my ears, it rings like a melody.
Strings so subtle.
Colors so bright.
Its stirring in my soul,
brings revolution to my world.
Changing and rearranging.
Manipulating and consolidating.
Just so I can hear the sound.


"Baby, I love you".

Man, its been too long.


Richard J Wright (2010)

Sunday, September 12, 2010

In This Moment of Time

Its been a minute. Shoot, its been more than a month since I posted anything. Truth is... I have been suffering from writer's block. This has been the result of dealing with life. Depression and several setbacks. I have even thought about walking away from my pen for good. I feel sometimes that I dont make a difference and no one really cares. If I inspire one person, that makes it worth it. Yet, I dont think that one exists. Stagnation is horrible for the mind, will, and emotions. Right now, I just dont know. Im dealing with something. Its madness to my thoughts. At least that is how I feel in this moment of time. It is what it is.

Sunday, August 1, 2010

Learning from the Elders

I read this quote from a site that is one of the best online.
http://bestdamncreativewritingblog.com/2010/07/27/a-great-quote-from-t-s-eliot/

Poetry is not an expression of personality, it is an escape from personality; it not an outpouring of emotion, it is a suppression of emotion–but of of course, only those who have personality and emotions can ever know what it means to want to get away from these things.

–T.S. Eliot

I have to say that I like it. It gives me much to think about as a writer.

Saturday, July 31, 2010

Father and Daughter Talks



I love being a father. Trouble is life gets in the way and your time with you children is limited. So I heart my time with my daughter. Especially when we riding somewhere. A few weeks ago, we had a conversation about music. Now my daughter is 13 years old. Im about to be 43 in a couple of months, if the good LORD says the same. Now too often your child will remind you that you are old. lol I got my moment of clarity in this conversation.

I asked my child a question.
(parents... i dont care how spiritual you are, but dont be shocked if your child gives you answer you dont care for)

Who is your favorite artist?
"ummm Nicki Minaj"

*faints*

The next few minutes were spent filled with heavy sighs, and an occasional "what?"

*calm down Rich, it could be worst* yeah right...

Now my daughter answered the question honestly, and she didnt give me someone I thought I might like or just want to hear. Gold Star for Ashley.

*vomits*

Then I ask her, why Nicki Minaj?
She tells me, she's cool and funny.
*thats one way of putting it*

Now, honestly Nicki is funny to me. Her lyrics are hilarious. She admitted in an interview in Houston, that Lil Wayne called her a geek. Her style is a lil geeky but that is apart of the attraction... I guess. Now of course chick is very attractive, that does not hurt. However.... my kid is 13 and uh i dont know Nicki Minaj is the role model I want my child emulating. Ya Dig.

Now kids are gonna have their music tastes. It might be terrible to my ears but its awesome to them. What do you do?

1. Pray because they are gonna hear it in the streets and in school.
2. Try to provide alternatives. Good luck with that. lol But its about balance. Show your kids there is more than the "pop culture phemon of the day"
3. Affirm your kids. Look, you dont have to like the crap they love but it behooves you to understand it.
4. Stay a parent. Dont try to be your child's friend. You are their parent, show them you have standards for them and you wont compromise them. They will love you for it later on.


As a man, I went through many phases. I once listened only to rock music. Iron Maiden, Judas Priest, Motley Crue. Stuff like that.
Then i discovered I was Black... that was shocking. I got into Public Enemy, KRS-ONE, NWA and stuff like that.
So my mama prayed for me. lol

My child is no different than i was.

My homie and i was talking about music and the sad shape music is in. Yet, we came to the conclusion that we were both just old. lol

It is what it is.

"Nicki Minaj?"

Ughhh...

Friday, July 30, 2010

Good Morning


Good Morning,
may God give you the best day,
even if you forget to pray.
May God give you strength and health,
and provide inspiration for you to obtain wealth.
May God allow you to see,
the beauty of life
from the animals, elements, thoughts and trees.
Its simple but in its complexity behold,
Another day is more precious than gold.
Good Morning.

Richard J Wright (2010)

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Random Thoughts


...I could fall for her hard. I already see it.

...I am so proud of my daughter.

...I need to get at my homie, I aint seen him in while.

...I hate being alone at times.

...I hope the sun comes out this weekend.

...I got get this book out, now.

...I love writing.

...I need a good fiction novel to read.

...I gotta do my best, at this.

Oxygen


She can become the air I breathe.
Only If she believes.

She can become a wind,
Only If she takes me for more than a friend.

She can revive my heart,
Only If she decides to want to be apart.

She can build me and sustain,
Only If she wants to remain.


Richard J Wright (2010)

Monday, July 26, 2010

An Open Letter to President Barrack Obama from one Black Man to Another...


Dear Mr. President,

I want to just send this letter of appreciation and concern to you. I know its a hard job you are doing. I realize that your hands are full and you have the weight of the free world upon your shoulders. I salute you brother.

Now speaking to you, I want you to know that I am not only speaking the head of the free world but I am also speaking to you as your brother. I want you to know that I am a little worried about you. Let me explain. I know all day long, the conservatives and those cowards on FOX News are giving you and the democratic party the blues. Pay them no never mind. Do your job, brother. That is all I can expect of you. Some have written you off already and do not think you will earn a second term. Personally speaking I don't think that is the case. Stay strong.

I know some of our people are being very critical of you and your adminstration. While I don't agree with everything you and your administration is doing, I would like to say that you still have my support.

I see the bumper stickers and signs people are displaying showing their displeasure of you. It down right upsets me. However, I realize that it is apart of our freedom of speech and expression. While I understand your position as the president, I want you to know that your people do love you. You must be the president to all Americans. I get that. However, make no mistake about it sir, we in our community look to you for inspiration and affirmation.

I just want to say, brother we love you. I know you probably hear it all the time. You probably wont even see this letter, but I want you to know from one Black man to another, I am proud of you. Too often we do not salute people or give them their flowers in a timely fashion. I just want to say, march on. We have your back. In the immortal words of Willie Hutch, "Brothers gonna work it out".

Sincerely,

Richard J Wright

P.S. Hug Michelle and the babies. Go Black man go!

Saturday, July 24, 2010

Time To Weigh In.... The Illuminati Controversy


You know the world is interesting. When I say the world, I actually mean the world system. People are unlearned, uninformed, and in some cases just plain stupid. "What are you talking about Rich"? Well I will tell you.

For months and even years people have been going in on Jay-Z and his alleged connections to the illuminati. Now a majority of the people that have made this claim, have been preachers, scholars and your average paranoid conspiracy theorists. They have looked at lyrics and videos to stake their claims. Some, I would even say is legitimate.

Here is the thing. Can a rapper from the Marcy Projects in Brooklyn be a member of an international secret society, whose goal is to produce the so-called reign of the antichrist or commonly called the NEW WORLD ORDER? Anthing is possible but I doubt it. Can Jay-Z be manipulated, of course. Shoot, the videos some of these cats are producing on youtube are evidence of that.

Lets go to some literary evidence. Adam Weishaupt is quoted in the book The New World Order by A. Ralph Epperson saying two key elements concerning the new world order. 1. "We must do our utmost to procure the advancement of Illuminati into all important civil offices". 2. "Behold our secret... If in ordre to destroy all Christianity, all religion, we have pretended to have the sole true religion, remember that end justifies the means, and that the wise ought to take all the means to do good which the wicked take to do evil". Now lets break these two points down.

1 Civil offices... okay, Executive, Legislative, Judicial... If folks want to investigate the Illuminati, well there is certain elements to study. In fact, you could spend years just on dealing with checks and balances her in America alone. No Jay-Z sighting here, except getting President Obama on a text according to Jay in his "On to the next One" song. lol

2. Destruction of Christianity and religion. Now this is a murky pit. Now the Illuminati wants to destroy Christianity in particular as if the other religions of the world would follow suit. Well, billions of Muslim, Hindu and Buddhist followers may have something to say about that. Jay says he does not believe in Christianity. Well all one has to do go into most Black Churches and count the number or lack of numbers of Black men. Jay, honestly isnt that different than many brothers. Sad, but true.

When Jesus casted out devils, the religious folk around said that He did it by the prince of demons. Jesus made the point to them that if Satan cast out Satan then his kingdom (no matter how counterfeit it maybe) is divided and cannot stand. In short, you cant build a kingdom while tearing it down at the same time. So even some of those people who believe that Jay-Z is a devil worshipper and a member of the secret society are not doing a real expose because they themselves are demonic in their actions as well. Satan would not go through the trouble of building something and allowing somebody he is influencing as well to tear that pillar or brick down. Now many Christian scholars have done the research but too often the evidence is suspect and not concrete. When evidence is subjective it is subject to interpretation which is suspect at best, not pun intended.

Jay is a hip hop artist. He has some influence but he is not the chief. If anything he is a pawn in a larger game. While the internet buzzes whether or not he is a member of a secret society designed to bring the antichrist to power. One critical component is left out. WHERE ARE YOU? WHO ARE YOU? WHO IS PULLING YOUR STRINGS? WHO DO YOU FOLLOW? What am I saying? People need to get into where they are personally before they can tackle a lofty subject. What good is it to show people where others are and you dont discover where you are in the midst of it.

In closing let me say this as well. The Illuminati is like Mafia. Its exclusive. The closest one can become to this order is the Boule. See Steve Cokely to learn about this secret society. Jay is a target but to many people are focusing on him instead of the real target. And if Jay is this terrible person so many are claiming, what is the solution. To paraphrase Steve Cokely "Power isnt discovering who done it, but who bad enough to kick their butt". I hate to say it but the Illuminati, the real one is winning because their order is secret and known by many other names and few posess the real power to stop them. After all, they have assassinated people, started wars, and economic collapses to achieve certain goals. I dont think the author of Big Pimpin is that dude. lol If anything there are bigger fish to fry. So think about your role in this matrix. Are you in control or are you being controlled if so by whom and for what purpose.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Wisha Upon a Star a short story


The heat Weldon was feeling was starting to become unbearable. He tried to relax as best he could. Sitting in his car, he felt the leather literally cooking his skin.
"What's taking so long?" he mumbled to himself. The private investigator called him 45 minutes ago with news saying they had to meet. He stroked the stubble on his chin, making a mental note to shave when he got home. He then rubbed the back of his head, feeling the same kind of stubble. He hated new growth. Though it would only take him about 5 minutes to shave his face and head, he dreaded it. He wish he could grow out his hair but the bald spot on the top of his head said otherwise. This was taking too long. He cut off his engine, 10 minutes after he arrived noticing that the gas gauge was leaning on E. Dag, what did the investigator uncover? Was his wife of 14 years, cheating? Who was it? He needed answers. His wife Wisha was incredibly gorgeous and a notorious flirt. Yet, he liked that about her. Always did. Yet, things were different now. She was coming home later than usual. She was hanging out with the girls more often. It used to be once a month, now it was weekly. At first he did not think it to be so strange since she was a workaholic. She was in line for a promotion at work. Work. He hated that. That is all she would talk about. The bosses getting nervous. The supervisor that constantly pushed her. The co-workers she did not like at all. Yet, Wisha was determined to stay focus.

"Man where is this dude?"

Weldon nervously tapped the steering wheel. He held his head down, as if he was in deep prayer. It seemed like an eternity. So many questions, not enough answers.

"Mr. Stand".
The gravel voiced PI startled Weldon. He jumped at the sound of his voice.

"Man, Shelton, where you been. I been waiting..."

"I know..." Shelton interrupted.

"So, what's so important we had to meet"?

"I have some photos you need to see".

Shelton reached into a briefcase beside him and pulled out a large envelop and casually handed it Weldon. Weldon gently took the envelop and shook it. He stared at it. His heart was racing as he fumbled with opening. He reached inside and pulled out about a dozen black and white 11 X 14 shots. Before he could study them, Shelton remarked, "This should conclude our business". Weldon stared at him. He tried to read his face for anything resembling bad news. Instead he found Shelton's face stoic. He paused for a moment. "Man, this had better..." His comment trailed off into space. He stared at the pictures. Each one carefully shot at close range.


"Hmmmm" he remarked. In each photograph he looked at the expression of his wife. She was smiling in everyone, but there were no pictures of any man. He said to himself, these look innocent enough. There were pictures taken in several restaurants. Some with Nikki, who he secretly lusted after. Some with Jenise, who he couldn't stand. Some with Rochelle who he had a fling with years ago in college, when him and Wisha was dating. He flipped through each picture hurriedly. He laid them in his lap and immediately thought...

"Is she sleeping with any of these girls. Because I don't see nothing worthwhile here?

Shelton, broke out with a haughty laugh. "Oh no, Mr. Stand. Your wife isn't cheating on you". The words haunted Weldon.

"Say again".

"Your wife isn't having an affair".

Weldon, exhaled with a sigh of relief. All this time, my baby is being faithful. He said to himself. He sighed heavily. It was as if somebody took a huge boulder off of his shoulders. He had been carrying this burden for weeks before he even got enough nerve to find a private investigator. Now it all came down to this moment. He was just paranoid.

"Okay, Shelton. Good work my man. I guess there is nothing left but to pay the remainder of your fees".
Shelton, looked away and casually remarked, "You can come by the office tommorow after 12. We will settled all business then".

"Cool, I will call you before I come by your office".

Weldon started up his car and nodded his head at Shelton. He then abruptly pulled off. He began to think about stopping by the flower shop to buy his wife some roses. He felt a need to do something for her. He grinned, thinking that he would get the roses and take his wife to dinner or something. Then it hit him that he had these photos and he would need to discard them before he got home. His wife would not understand that he hired a private investigator to follow her around for weeks on end.

Shelton sat in his car watching his client pull off. He watched him through his rear view mirror and finally until he was out of sight. He then pulled out a scarf from the same briefcase where he stored the photos. He held the scarf to his face, and sniffed. The perfume lingered in his nose giving him a rush. He sat there dazed for a couple of minutes, taking in the scent of the scarf. He then started pulled his car in gear and drove off.

"Wisha, you are playing a dangerous game and I love it... and I love you" he chuckled to himself. Thinking about it for about 10 seconds, he broke out again in a haughty laugh.

Richard J Wright (2010)

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Her Eyes...


When I look into her eyes,
I hear a song.
The strings in my mind,
play for so long.
That Issac Hayes thinks Im going to far.
But she's a star.
And now I have an affinity for Astronomy.
I study her shapes,
I study her curves.
Yeah, Im gonna let this one get on more than my nerves.
And it all began,
with a glimpse...
in her eyes.

Richard J Wright (2010)

I Value your Friendship


"I value your friendship."
Usually, when someone says that, that someone is breaking up with that person. If I had a dollar for everytime I heard that, I might be able to get a 6 piece wing dinner from Timmy Chan. Just what does it mean when someone says I value your friendship? Does it mean that they care if you get run over by a car? Does it mean that they want to continue talking to you? Does it mean that they will be there for you? And if so, how?

Now lets just be honest. All of that is like pulling a bandaid off someone who is considerably hairy. Its gonna hurt whether you pull it slowly or quickly. Basically, its code for, I dont want to date you, but I will let you spend your money if you like. I dont want to sleep with you, so dont ask for none. Or, I will sleep with you, just go home right after we finish. Or worst, dont call me to ask if you can see me because chances are, I will be preocupied with my new friend.

A friend and I were talking and we talked about exes being friends. Is it possible? I think it is but truthfully its a waste of time. No one benefits really. In fact, if children are not involved, its just best to move around and not look back. Take it from me, I know personally.

The key to breaking up and being done with a person is line of sight. If a person is out of sight, eventually they will be out of mind. You have to do that in order for healing or even new people to show up in your life. At this point in my life, I value friendships but they are not required for me. I got enough "friends". So when some woman says to me "i value your friendship". That is a greenlight to exit stage left. Im not interested in talking to you about some guy you met or some guy who is giving you problems. Im not interested in talking to you about some woman I have met and is giving me problems. If anything, whats the point? So when someone says that to you. Ask yourself "do you really value their friendship" If not, move around. Dont be a sucka or worst an enabler. I have said it once and I will say it again. Friendships are like batteries. Some last longer than others. Dont be ghetto and stick it in the freezer trying to get more usage out of a battery that is dead. Instead, do yourself a favor and shop for new batteries. Life is too short.

Monday, July 19, 2010

Most of all...


Sitting here lounging, thinking of you.
Wondering where you are boo.
But most of all, Im thinking of your call.
Laughing and smiling staring at the wall.

Most of all, Im thinking of your lips,
wondering how soft they are, their taste,
and reaching out to touch your hips.

Most of all, Im thinking how you feel about me.
Hoping the feeling is mutual,
do you agree?

Most of all, Im jonzing for you.
Your words capture my mind,
colors like green and blue,
yellow and purple.
Shapes like triangles and circles.

Richard J Wright (2010)

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Dear God


Dear God,

Im in a lonely place,
needing you to fill this space.
My heart has broken in two.
And I just dont know what to do.
I find no peace, in my life.
Thinking maybe I need a wife.
Regardless nothing I do seems to work.
I just hate being messed up and hurt.
I try to numb the pain,
but nothing works.
Im frantic and going bezerk.
Lord quiet my mind,
So I can hear you speak.
I need you Father,
For I am so terribly weak.

Love,
Richard J Wright

So much for that.... Random Thoughts


So much for that...

... i didnt get to go to the movies.

... i didnt get to spend anytime with my new friend.

... the rain just jacked up yesterday.

... cant believe she wanted me to drive that far to be pissed off.

... cleaned up my house for nothing it seems. (well thats not a bad thing)

... i should have went to the wake, no excuses.

... the more things change, the more they appear the same.

... wish we could have worked things out.

... my Raising Cane didn't hit the spot last night. SMH

Saturday, July 17, 2010

The Rain


The rain is so unfair.
Her drops sooth the earth,
and kisses each body of water so gently.
While the thunder rumbles above,
sending passions of love.

The rain is so unfair.
Her drops bless the trees and flowers,
while thoughts of love go on for hours.
The lightning illuminates the sky,
while the lovers moan and cry.

The rain is so unfair.
The lonely try to drown out her melody.
While the storm pours out its song,
the lonely feel so wronged.
While the people move in and around.
Dancing and romancing its distant sounds.


Richard J Wright (2010)

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Wonder Woman


She's a wonder.
And she makes me wonder.
Her mind is amazing,
her humor ablazing.
She's fire wrapped in flesh.
A blowtorch, so fresh.
Makes me wonder,
will we be more.
Im playin for keeps,
go ahead and keep score.
All I do is win,
no matter what.
Got her on the brain,
and I aint giving up.
Until the amazon,
carries my last name.
Im forced to her flame.
She's my wonder woman.

Richard J Wright (2010)

Monday, July 12, 2010

The need for prayer...


I am convinced more than ever that everyone despite their status or situations need prayer. I talked with a friend this morning and we were discussing the situation involving Mel Gibson. Mel apparently went on a rant and used the N word. I suggested that the brother needs prayer and my friend disagreed. She felt that he needed to be confronted. While I do believe that he needs to be confronted on a certain level, I am not one to think that prayer is not out of the question. This man, produced an awesome protrayal of Christ in his movie, the Passion of Christ. God used him mightly and for anyone to think otherwise is just plain foolish. Mel has his demons, as most of us do. Why wouldnt we want to pray for him? Rebuke maybe in order, but prayer has to also be on the short list.

I had a conversation with another friend that left me stunned. She has gone through a number of things and I have tried to encourage her along the way. Strange enough the situation she found herself in was unfortunate and we talked about how God can and will restore her. However, the tail end of the conversation turned very carnal as she admitted that she would go through the same thing again because of the results it yielded her. I immediately got of the phone and then went and prayed and asked God to help her.

We all fall short and we all sin. We all mess up. Thats a given but I do know that the answer to many of our trials and stumbles lies right at the foot of prayer. Otherwise, all of our spirits will be vexed. We all need to pray. Its as simple as that because without the mercy of God, where will any of us be?

Old Negroes actin Brand New



Dear Mr. Jesse Jackson,
First let me say thank you for all of things you have done for all our people. You are a mighty warrior and I respect your mind. Now, having said that, let me say this. Man, you have lost a step. Perhaps its old age, perhaps its well intentions but Mister LeBron James isnt a slave or a runaway one for that matter. Last I check, no slave gets paid millions of dollars. If they do, then I have been in the wrong slave line.

The Cavs owner is a jack butt. Period. No question. Dude lost his mind for a split second. Not that I blame the poor guy. Its like watching your stock shares take a roller coaster dip into the bowels of hell never to return. With all due respect, brother take your rest. Chill. You have seen a Black man, go from slaveship to championship. Your words not mine. You have seen a Black man ascend to the highest office in the land. No longer are we in the streets being sicked on by police dogs and waterhoses. Things are not perfect but you have earned your stripes and deserve to just relax in your golden years. Now you have given something for white folks on the radio and at their water coolers to whine about again. Well, who could be mad at that. lol Still brother, its time to chill. It was LeBron who decide to host his own "slave auction" on the four letter network. If anything, call that dude and tell em that wasnt cute. You know as well as I do that whitefolks live to put their own foots in their mouth. He was just being a hater and at the end of the day, it was just a bad reaction to a business decision. Let it go and sit down somewhere. Relax. Chill out. Stop actin brand new.

Respectfully,
Richard J Wright

Sunday, July 11, 2010

Mindgasms


If I can touch your mind,
I can touch your heart.
If I can replace your pain,
I can become a part
of your medication.
No overdose, no frustration.
Just stimulation of thoughts
revealed while the mystery
remains concealed.
Yearning and learning,
while your fondness is turning
into love.
I descend in your presence
with the peace of a dove.
Yet I have talons like hawk.
Designed to grab your mind,
but lovingly you will find.
My words are not my own,
My actions are not mine alone.
They based upon your reactions,
climbing to heights of satisfaction.

While we share time,
over ice cream cones and conversation.
Lightly and evenly we change topics,
and the clock swings upward telling us to stop it.
Then I whisper something naughty in your ear.
Letting you know my intentions crystal clear.
My only fear is that you really dont know,
How I only want to be like a ficus in your garden,
I just want to grow on you rapidly,
and make you giggle silly laughfully.
Im silly over you,
and to know how you feel,
is all I care to do.
Talk to me while Al Green talks to us.
Lets bar no thought speak and discuss.
What life means to you and what it means to me.
Lets just be and learn and be bound together free.


Richard J Wright (2010)

Saturday, July 10, 2010

I love you Black woman


I emerged from a Black woman's womb,
and I am content to love a Black woman until I arrive at my tomb.
No one makes me laugh and love like you.
I just appreciate all that you do.
While people talk negatively about you.
I will just lift you up like the rising dew.
My love, my life, my friend.
My adoration of you will never end.

I love you Black woman.

Richard J Wright (2010)

Saturday, July 3, 2010

The More


The more I understand,
the more I dont know.
The more I let go.
The more I grow.
The more I cry,
The more I fly.
The more I believe,
The more I recieve.
The more I am emptied,
The more I am filled.
The more I know what is fake,
The more I know what is real.


Richard J Wright (2010)

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Evolution of a Dime



This is dedicated to my homie. My friend since elementary school.
She always has been a swan but the swan is full grown and sexy. lol


I remember when you was a wise cracking silly girl,
you was just a seedling that became a pearl.
Saw many that came through your world.
Little did they know your wings would unfurl.
Now your beauty stands so far out.
I even ask myself "whats that about?"

We remain friends throughout the years.
Went through our share of laughs and tears.
Lost touch but fate brought us together
and our friendship has bared all the weather.
I love you so much even from our humble beginnings.
Lockgate and Murr Way and those long bus rides to Lanier.
You are more than just a peer.
Lord knows we have seen more than our share of tears.

You always have a place in my heart.
Its been that way since the middle school parts.
High School, college, and beyond.
Babies occupy our lives and on.
I am so glad that life has been kind to you.
But your beauty pales when it comes to the real you.
I thank God that u have been apart of my life.
In a perfect world, I should have made me you my wife.

You are smart, full of heart.
Crazy as ever.
Let you fall, if its up to me.
Never.
I saw a pearl become a diamond right before my eyes.
The man that finds you will no doubt earn a grand prize.


Richard J Wright (2010)

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

In a Moment

In a moment,
my queen will be here.
She will cast a spell,
by wiping away these old tears.
She will feed my hunger,
and quench my thirst.
She will make me swell
so well and burst.
She will do away memories of whats her name,
and her skill sets will put old girl to shame.
She will plead with me to stay,
She will let me lead and keep me from going astray.
In a moment,
she will take my name.
She will breakout with a new game.
Exciting and excited.
Welcomed and invited.
I await her call.
She will topple them all.
She will be my queen,
beautiful and graceful,
powerful and serene.
And all it will take is a moment.
So I hold on to it,
to the point I own it.

Richard J Wright (2010)

Helter Skelter


Some people inconvience their life,
would even make a stranger their wife.
Cut up emotions like a ginsu knife
and end up being made all trife.
I dont mind, dont take it as a gripe.
People eat fruits from trees that aint ripe.
And cross over lanes with marked stripes.
Now all of a sudden he or she aint your type.
Now lets all gather the sudden tears to wipe.

Thoughts of situations make you depressed.
But thats the fruit you bought, I guess.
Now the smoke has appeared.
The moment you made me fear.
Its hard to breathe and cry tears.
Your convience convinces you.
You gotta do what you think you gotta do.
Step on a heart or maybe even two.
Now a brother's left without a clue.
CSI can add two and two.
But it equals five once you was through.
Despair comes out of the blue.
And what I thought was what I knew.
Now no one is left to take bets.
Cause its all a mess with a side of regrets.
So now you content to live with a lie.
Dont even make sense to ask God why.
Hasty but now you all spacey.
And the future is made all pasty.
Bitter and far from sweet.
Now we live on opposites streets.
To much traffic to cross.
And time is all we lost.
You dont think this is gonna cost.
Hearts grow cold in the midst of the moss.
Hurry to the finish line.
Hurry to the end of time.
Haphazardly playing games.
Ends terribly in shame.
Its all helter skelter.

Richard J Wright (2010)

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

What do I tell the Rain


As the rain falls,
I hear its voice call.
The faint whisper of a melody,
the pulse of the rain envelops me.
It speaks but I dont want to listen.
For it adds no comfort,
it just reminds me of what Im missing.
The sounds of kissing,
the sounds of hugging,
The sounds of bed sheets moving.
The sounds of the quiet storm grooving.
Yet, Im at a lost of words.
The quiet rumble of thunder is heard.
It doesn't sooth me or the pain.
Just what do I tell the rain?


Richard J Wright (2010)

Monday, June 28, 2010

The Half Glass Half Empty Concept


I was at work recently and one of my supervisors had a drawing on his wall. It was a picture of a glass of water. In the illustration he noted that he wanted to be where the water was; the half full place. He also noted that he didn't want to be where the empty part was. I thought to myself that is interesting because he needed a visual to confirm an idea in his mind continually to be positive and not negative. I have to admit it was brilliant. However, eventually that message has to be in your heart ultimately. Perhaps this picture was his way of getting to that point. Its a catalyst for change. I am not mad at it.

Saturday, June 26, 2010

Changing of the guard...


When companies and nations change leaders, the old guard goes away kicking, screaming and hating. Well, that goes for people too. In my desire to change my life; something God will have to help me with, that old person is going to put up a fight. That is why, I am going to put him down like a mad dog. A new mission statement. A new flag. A direction. New eyes to see. New ears to hear.


enough talk.

Im single. Im serious. Im silent.
Good Morning Richard.
Let the war begin!

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Random Thoughts on Father's Day Morning...

I hate holiday texts...

I just want to be treated like a king today...

Im just ready to get weekend over and done with...

Does anyone understand where I'm coming from...

The dogs were after me last night... again.

How can I be treated like a king, when there is no queen?

I guess it is what it is...

Happy Father's Day... I guess.

Saturday, June 19, 2010

Father's Day... a reflection.


Tommorow is father's day. Hmmm. How do I feel about this holiday? I have mixed feelings about it. I love my father and it will be good to see him tommorow. Other than that, I really don't feel it. Perhaps its because being a father myself is kind of subjective in nature. I like being a father. I have a daughter who is 13. I have step-children through my former marriage. So fatherhood is cool. I know some make a big deal and it is. I guess Im just taking it all in. I will get a card perhaps. Who knows. I guess like any holiday, it is better with the people you love. I will try my best to be in good spirits. I just dont make a big deal about it. After all, its a position of great importance but society has down played its significance. Im sure I will get a text or two from people but sometimes as a father, we just want to be appreciated. You work hard. You provide. You protect. You live. So for all the fathers out there, enjoy the day. You are worth so much more than a day. Yet, its a small token of appreciation for the labor and love you give. I feel your struggle. God bless you.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Random Thoughts at 6:34am

I miss her...

I miss her too.

I miss them.

What should I do?

God please let me get this done today.

Sometimes you just have to let people be who they are.

I accept the fact that I cannot change the past, but that doesn't mean Im not hurting because of it.

That's my brother man...

So good to know I have a pastor looking out for me.

I wish I was stronger.

She is so fione, dude doesnt know what he has.

Sometimes I just hate myself.

I just want to meet my wife today.

Saturday, June 5, 2010

A lesson from BP





BP.
Talk about Oops.
Oh how friendly and environmentally conscious one can be.
Just keep on supporting BP.
Buy their gas, by their oil.
Show how wonderful you are by being loyal.
Oh its a little spill.
We will have it up in a couple of days.
Well its been a few weeks and the leak still exists.
Just chop it up to BP's greed and ignorance.
BP is your buddy and making more money.
Yall walking around like nothing is going on
and aint nothing funny.
Dead fish dying birds,
collateral damage.
Leave to BP's PR to handle and manage.
Yall are some real geniuses.
Keep up the mess up.
While we foot the bill.
Through high priced seafood, tumors and more damaging rumors.
Nice going BP.

Richard J Wright (2010)

An Open Letter to the State of Arizona and her racist residents.


Dear Confused, Fearful, Racist, Paranoid, and Ignorant residents of Arizona,

I want to commend each of you of your tolerance for that unbearable heat you guys deal with every summer. However, Im starting to believe that heat has affected your brains. You are the poster child of the angry white person taking control of your borders. You are the ethnic police of this generation. Oh my bad, you are getting tough on crime. (I guess since most whites are scared of people of color... your poor informed citizens will continue to drink that kool-aid forever and a day).

I guess the media is being a little hard on you guys. Aww poor babies. That big old liberal machine is really hanging you out to dry. Poppycock! However, you should thank Fox News for doing the "right" thing on your behalf. More Poppycock!

I guess you are wondering why I am so concerned about you backward-minded relics from the 20th century. Children.
http://www.aolnews.com/nation/article/principal-asks-artists-to-lighten-faces-of-children-in-arizona-school-mural/19504774

Some dirtbags out your way are wanting a mural including children to reflect the light skinned residents of Arizona. Gimme a break. Are you guys that stupid or ignorant. You want to take something pure and put your little white hands all over it. Some peckerwood gets on a radio show asks why depict a black person on the mural? Well... the kid in question is supposed to be depicted or seen as Latino. Boy, you guys just keep getting in line to be run over by the stupid train.

Isn't it enough that you clowns waited so long to make the Martin Luther King Jr. holiday, a paid holiday in your state? Plus we know you only did that because you was worried that your coffers would be considerably thinner if you did not play ball. I have learned that the only language you understand is green and you hate the word boycott. I see that word in your lives for quite some time.

Well, chances are you wont think nothing of this letter. That's cool because I have did my part. Now if some cat from Houston, Texas thinks writing in his personal blog about some scum buckets who live in Arizona will make a difference, he is deluding himself. However, I know at the barbershops, water coolers, parks, elevators in America, people are talking about you guys. You probably do not care. Good. That makes taking our tourist dollars, not supporting your sport franchises, and not traveling through your state easier.

Now, I know your state is filled with good people. People from all over the world live in Arizona. I know they are just as upset with you as I am. I dont live there and yet you guys are a lightning rod for stupidity. Asking people are their immigration status is problematic at best. But hey, you are who you are. So keep giving us something to talk about Arizona. I dont want you suckers to go broke but if you miss a car note or two, I wont be mad. Cheers.

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Single means singularity - A moment of clarity


sin·gu·lar·i·ty   /ËŒsɪŋgyəˈlærɪti/ Show Spelled[sing-gyuh-lar-i-tee] Show IPA
–noun,plural-ties for 2–4.
1.the state, fact, or quality of being singular.
2.a singular, unusual, or unique quality; peculiarity.
3.Mathematics. singular point.
4.Astronomy. (in general relativity) the mathematical representation of a black hole.


For the past few years, it is not a secret that I have struggled being single. As a man being married for several years, I became used to having a partner around me. It is a blessing to have someone. Yet, when that is not your reality, you are forced to deal with the circumstances that are before you.

Some people love being single. I love being single sometimes. I would be lying to myself if I did say I just want to be single. At one point, I did want to be single when I was married. Yet, my idea of being single for my life at that time was full of errors. I did not measure or count the cost. I did not see how I would feel during holidays or days when I was just needing a loving touch from that special someone.

I am starting to feel okay about being single. Am I fully healed from the pain I have been through? Not at all. I am healed in the sense that I am okay and can love again. Yet, the pain from the previous relationship has not gone away fully because I am a firm believer that some pain never dies, it only changes. You can use pain to your advantage or your disadvantage and that is the difference.

So. What is different today? I am giving myself permission to think singular. I cannot think about someone else's issues. Especially, if they do not have anything to do with me. I love my ex-wife. The alternative is to hate her. Instead of being angry, or pitying her, I just love her from afar. I cannot concern myself with whats going on with her because if I do, then I take that energy I need to focus on me and give it her with no expectation of recieving anything in return. That goes for anyone I may date as well. I love people. However, as a single man I have to focus on me and not let someone else's issues or problems become my problems. As a Christian, I am to be concern about the welfare of others. That is part of my vocation but I am not to allow anything separate me from the love of God or His will for my life.

The word that is swimming in my head these days is value. A person (who I am dating or considering to date) must have value in order for me to consider anything remotely possible. I nust bring value as well. I cannot bring my baggage and expect someone to put up with it. Instead I must bring value to the table along with those things inside of me that I carry. If the truth were to be told, we all have baggage. We might think we have liberated ourselves from our pasts or the drama we faced but more often than not, your past shows up without an invitation. I have seen this time and time again. It does not mean we are not over our past, but what it does mean is that we tend to carry things without notice. Its okay. It makes you human. However, we are not to allow nothing to determine our future except our ambition, desire, and passion. I am giving myself permission to think for myself, by myself because right, that is all that matters. Myself. I love me and for that reason I know I can love some else.

Sunday, May 30, 2010

When God Brings You To Me


When God brings you to me.
I shall praise His name for thee.
You have given me a drink,
for my thirst.
You have loved me through my worst.
You have made me remember
how much love is good.
I will no longer remember the pain,
even if I could.
For you are newness that grows,
and begins everyday.
To look into your eyes.
Only this I will say.
Oh how I love you.


Richard J Wright (2010)

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

And It Hurts To See...


It hurts to see you,
with him.
Im left to wonder why.
Life took this turn.
Why didnt we try?
He leaves you to
wonder as well.
Life wasnt made to be hell.
Up before dawn,
just to catch the bus.
That alone makes me wanna fuss.
Yet this is the life you choose.
Cant believe this how I lose.
Just to watch you,
in harm's way.
Im left speechless.
There are not enough words to say.
Knowing he cant love you
like I do.
Knowing he wont sacrifice
for you boo.
Yet I respect your decision.
Now Im just reduced to these kind of visions.
Visions of you carrying grocery bags.
Visions of you crying?
Where was the red flags?
Visions of him lying?
Now this is what will be.
Girl you gotta just know,
it just hurts to see.

Richard J Wright (2010)

Thursday, May 20, 2010

U Know I Love You


We closer than kin
and thick as thieves.
If I was a shirt,
you'd be the sleeves.
Friends for so long,
who could count the years.
We seen everything,
while we dried our tears.
Always was attracted
but I kept my space.
Didnt want disturb,
the smile on your face.
You dont have pick every rose,
some things are meant to stay put I suppose.
Yet, my love for continues to grow.
We dont need much,
just laughter and good conversation.
Good food and fellowship
is our personal medication.
There is nothing I wouldnt do,
to let you know
just how much I love you.


Richard J Wright (2010)

Sunday, May 9, 2010

The Teaching of Mothers

From the time that a child can perceive,
Long before it sees.
That child learns from his or her mother.
It learns her touch, her smell and her voice.
It hears many sounds but
In this,
the child has no choice.
It must learn from mother.

From the womb,
The child learns connection,
Nurturing and protection.
Though it speaks no words
The child knows
And through this mystery
The child grows.

In the beginning
The child has no questions,
But the mother must answer.
To the calls and cries.
And as the child grows,
Then comes the whys.


Why mama do the birds sings?
Why mama do the bees sting?
Why mama do you sometimes cry?
Why mama,
Why mama why?

Then the difficulties of life begin to take place.
More answers begat more questions.
Commands from youth become grown up suggestions.
Still the child has more questions.
Questions like…
Mama, why cant I just live my life?
Mama, why you don’t like my wife?
And through it all mama is always teaching.
Her words laced with care
Designed for reaching.
Our minds and our hearts.
Helping us to make sense of all the parts.
Of this puzzle we call life.

She is a teacher,
Whether she wants to be or not.
Whether the lessons are sound or lessons to be forgot.
I can learn metaphysics, or exegetical studies,
Hermanuetics and learn from my old school buddies.
And none of that compares to the knowledge I gain
through my mother’s love and my mother’s pain.

When you teach me mother,
I learn, I live, I grow.
I listen, I speak, I know.
God tells you to teach without even saying so.
For that We are all grateful
For the cooking, the cleaning, the dressing, the combing,
The consoling, the laughter, the money loaning.
Yet, it is your teaching that I am most grateful for.
Through your teaching mother, I can aspire to live
And love you even all the more.

Richard J Wright

Mother's Day

I bless the LORD for allowing me to have my mother all this time. It has been a blessing indeed. On this day however, its bitter sweet around my way. My daughter Ashley, has not seen her mother in over eight years. Therefore, I share my mother with her. As a single father, I cannot tell you how hard it is. Sometimes, I will be honest, the hardest part isnt the work, its the understanding. Last night she made her grandmother a card that was beautiful. I couldnt help but to think how much my child's mother has missed out. She is an incredible child, full of love and wisdom for her age. As her father, I would not dare minimize the role a mother plays, nor will I demean her biological mother. Instead I will celebrate this day with the notion that life would be a little colder without mothers. Unfortunately, my daughter knows this too well. God bless the mothers of this world, physical and spiritual.

Saturday, May 1, 2010

RE-Relife


Refresh. Regroup. Rethink. Relearn. Remove. Relieve. Rebuild. Return.

8 words. Very powerful. Very inspiring.

1) Refresh I am going on vacation soon. As much as I love Houston, I have to get away from her for a minute. I need to rest my mind, body and soul.

2) Regroup Yes, I have been off tilt lately. Life happens. So its time to dust myself off and get back at this thing at break neck speed.

3) Rethink Yes, my thinking has been faulty lately. Life will cause that to happen too. Its time to think differently about every thing I am apart of and going to be apart of.

4) Relearn I am a teacher at heart. Not by profession but by passion. My giftings as a poet have shown this to me. Yet, its time to learn some new aspects of some old things. For this, i need revelational knowledge and that only comes from God of course.

5)Remove Yes, some stuff has got to go. Some folks have to go. It is what it is. Its like an old couch. It was nice 10 years ago but now its just down right disgusting. Stains and springs poppin up everywhere. So what do you have to do. You gotta throw it out. I dont like the idea of throwing folks out of my life but they have over stayed their welcome.

6)Relieve Yes, I need to relieve myself of some of the pressures in my life. Whether its finances or that insane desire to have a woman next to me. I have to just let that kind of stuff go and ask God to help me in those areas. Its insane knowing God will help you if you only let go but something wont allow you to do it. I gotta check myself.

7)Rebuild Yes, some things in my life need to be rebuilt. Some relationships and some career and ministry goals. Time to put on the hard hat and start stripping away some of this old wiring, old wood, and old paint and begin using new materials.

8)Return Yes, after accomplishing the above seven Re(s). I can return or re-turn the direction of my life. God wants my life to be fruitful, and I do too. In essence, number 8 is really number 1. Then again life is circular to me as a Black man, therefore I begin and end where I start. Time to get busy.

Friday, April 23, 2010

Dear Successful, Unsuccessful, Could Be Successful and all other Black Sisters


Dear Successful, Unsuccessful, Could Be Successful and all other Black Sisters,

First and foremost, I want to say that I love you. I love all of you. I don't always understand you and I'm not sure I ever will. I have known only a small fraction of your collective and I have experienced the highest and lowest of emotions and feelings. I have had days where I smiled, grinned, and laughed a whole lot. I also had days where I have cried from being hurt or betrayed. With the small amount of your collective in my proximity, I have tried my best to not base or judge the collective based upon the actions of a few. Having said that, let me say this. Of all the things I have wondered, I ask myself. Why cant the collective find a good man. Perhaps its your definition. Perhaps its your interpretation of what a good man is. I do not know. What I do know is that I stand by and wonder why I am alone. I too want somebody good. I too want a good woman. My income may not reflect your tastes. My lifestyle may not reflect your desired lifestyle. My taste in music, clothes, politics, or whatever floats your boat may not be the same. They say that the collective out numbers my gender. Some say its has high as seven to one. Yet, why am I alone?

I am not the cutest guy. I don't have a six pack. I don't have a six figure income. I don't have a lot of dope lines. I don't have a $50,000 dollar car. I don't have a house. Basically my life is full of I don ts. Yet, most of all I don't have you. I have made mistakes in my life. Who hasn't? I am trying to forget the ones I have made. I guess my point is, I may not have a lot of material possessions, but I do have something that does make me wonderful and attractive. I have a heart. It is a heart that forgives. It is a heart that loves, that sacrifices in the midst of let downs and put downs. In fact, I have tried to communicate the actual things that I do have. I have interests. I love God. I am a deacon at my church. I have a master's degree. I write poetry. I love music. I love to laugh and share. Yet, I have learned that those things really don't matter. Some of you walked away from me in spite of the accomplishments I made or the striving in which I was attempting.

I hear tell that you are considering dating outside our race. Well. To say I am a tad bit disappointed would be putting it lightly. However, you deserve to be happy and if you think some other man of another mother would create that world of happiness, then enjoy yourselves. Don't I deserve to be happy? Don't I deserve a woman who is beautiful, faithful, and blessed? Should I consider the same thought pattern?

I want you to know that I don't want you to lower your standards. Instead I would ask you to increase your commitment to the survival of your people. By profession I drive a truck. Yet, I have a master's degree. I don't have the corporate job I desire. Do you realize whom you pass in the hallways? Men who work blue collar jobs, men who take out trash, men who work in warehouses and many of us are smart, talented, and have crazy potential. We just need you to believe in us. We need you to believe in the collective. I am sorry you met some men that did not deserve your love. I am sorry you met some sorry men who did not know how to stay faithful. Must we all pay for the less among us all?

I love you so much. I love you more than myself. I have no life without you. I am raising a daughter and I desire for her to ascend to the highest of heights; all the while knowing that her Black father cared not only about her but the collective as well. I don't know if this letter will touch your heart. I don't even know if you care enough to spend the few minutes to read it. What I do know is that I am among you and I am hurting.I am hurt that you chose men with thug tendencies over intelligentsia. I am hurt that you would create standards that will take me years to ascend to in the face of competition, racism, and prejudice. I am hurt that you would rather find love in the children of our historical oppressors than love with your own. While I realize many of my gender have no sense of community and have walked away from you; you should know that many of us have not. We are here and like you... We are alone. We are not perfect. We will never be. Yet, I would rather be perfectly imperfect with you than to be with someone else or worst, alone.


With Love,
In sincerity,
In peace,

A lonely imperfect Black man.

Friday, April 9, 2010

Star Struck


Me and you.
Driving down a country road.
Listening to a slow song.
Gazing up at the stars.
Catching up from behind,
talking about family and old times.
This was one thing that reminds,
How could we both be so blind?
Now we wish we could rewind.
No regrets.
Just freeze the time.

Richard J Wright (2010)

No Mo Distractions

Relationships are wonderful. Having said that, I know myself and when they are apart of my life, they can distracting. Given the nonsense and waste of time I have encountered recently, I am quitting the desire for love. Yep, I am done. I will date. I will be sociable. Nothing serious. I want to focus on a number of things. In short, Im going to get my stock up. Career. Writing. Money. Thats its. I have had enough of the games. Yall can have it. I dont need it. I might long for it but I am going into relationship exile for a season. There is no use in playing around with it no longer. I have been through some stuff in these past few years. Time to push that part of me away from the table. There is too much other stuff I can focus on and be content.

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Dating, Friends, and your Kids

Recently I fell out of favor with a woman I was dating. The trouble is, I brought this woman into my child's life. She has done a number of things for her, buying gifts, spending time with her on outings, etc. Now, she's M.I.A. One thing that is a messed situation is to put people in the lives of your children only to see them disappear because you and the other person no longer see each other. What do you do? I had to explain to my child that sometimes people do not last in your life but does it have to be that way with kids. Its better if your children dont even meet someone your dating. While I have the kind of kid that wont say anything bad about a person. I realize that I could have caused a kind of disturbance by bringing her into our lives. While I do believe in my heart of hearts that my child isnt really affected by this. I have to wonder truly if that is really the case. My child's mother left her. My child's step mom moved to another city. Now here is someone who was around for a while only to exit out the picture.

I have decided that this cannot happen again. I will not introduce my daughter to the next woman until I am fully involved in a committed relationship. In hindsight, it was premature on my part. The woman was very cordial towards my daughter and they seem to get along great. I trusted my daughter around her and she hasnt done anything wrong in regards to my child but I do know that its not a good thing for people to fall in and out of people's lives. At this point, I am just pissed about the whole ordeal. Sad part about it, I dont think the woman even has stopped to think about the positive influence she was to my daughter. Instead she has allowed her own selfish ambitions and mindset to rule the day. Neva again.

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

What About Me?


What about me?

What about me?

What about me?

Those were the only words she spoke when I poured my heart out about her hurtful words.

Spoken like a true myopic personality.

This wasnt her time to talk.

It was mine.

And all she could say to me in the face of it was "what about me?"

Now I could dissect all of the garbage she said to me.
Things like when she wanted to come to my house to cook and I told her no.
All because I like my house to be clean when I have company, even if the person doesnt mind.
And yet she chose to remind me how unkept my bathroom was because I work like a slave and dont have time to clean it properly. Yeah this was the one time I allowed her to come over when my house wasnt clean.

You know it really amazes me how women talk about a man who wont do this or that. A man that wont talk. A man that wont share his real feelings. Yet, when I shared all I got was a "what about me?".

I was like... "did you hear what I just said to you?"

This is why men dont share. This is why men dont talk when a woman wants them to. Stuff like that. I felt like I had been trying to pull a dagger out my back only to have the person who put it there unknowingly shove it back in 3 inches deeper than before.

While I wont hold all women responsible for the careless actions of one woman I cared for... I dont think I will be baring my soul any time soon for any reason. Only to my God.

Saturday, April 3, 2010

Guess Who's Back?


Yeah... "Its been a long time, I shouldnt have left you without words to step to"

Well... Restructure and reformation is never an easy task. Without telling all my business, I will just say that life has tried to break my spirit in more ways than one. I have not written anything but I have the crux of my next book in my heart. Now... if I can only get Visions of Heaven out finally. Things with this book have been stuck for a hot second. Not too worry its coming. I finally got some time to focus and deal with this. I am proud of this book, it is different and I promise it is going to be a blessing to people.

Many things have taken place since I last been around. I have learned some valuable lessons about life and people. The greatest lesson I did learn is that you ultimately are responsible for the keeping of yourself. Its great to have a pastor, a mentor, or a leader in your life. I recommend them. Yet, it is you that has to live and think on your own at critical times in your life. Negative thoughts will lead to negative outcomes. If you keep shooting yourself in the foot emotionally, spiritually and socially... then do not get mad or have a sad face when nobody wants to be around you. One of things I had to do was check myself. Check out who I was hanging around, check out what I was saying to people, check out what I found my daily life becoming. And no it was not all good.

So I had to rearrange somethings. I had to move some furniture out of my life. I am still moving some stuff around. I had to leave some stuff for the garbage man. I had to realize one key factor, i am carrying too much crap for one person to deal with.
Not no more.

One thing I learned was I am important to no one but me. People like you for you when they want to deal with you. Others just shut their phone off. I know because I have done it with people myself. People like you for what you bring to them. If you dont have anything to bring to them, then you become useless and your phone rings less and less. It is what it is.

Yeah... you could say that i have been dealing with some stuff. I recognize my faults in all of it. Yet, more than that. I know I have a lot more to do with my life and the turns it takes than life just happening.

Yeah... Im back. :) Aint you glad? It dont matter... Im glad and that is what counts most.

Saturday, March 13, 2010

What I find most of the times...

I dont know nadda...

*shakes his head*

I gotta take some time to chill.
Be back later, maybe I will feel something.

Monday, March 1, 2010

All I Can Do is Daydream... random thoughts


... I wonder what she is really like?

... Should I really consider her proposal?

... Can I really be open with her?

... Why does she still love me after all this time?

... Why cant she just believe what Im telling her?

... She is so fione but I know she would make me miserable in the long run.

... She better stop messing with me, before I start messing with her back.

... Why I gotta play these games?